Character Development: God Don't Like Ugly

Are you very detail-oriented and great at critiquing? Do people frequently come to you to brainstorm ideas? Are you skilled at pointing out flaws? Do you often find yourself conjuring up and offering solutions, advice and improvements? These skills are quite beneficial in your professional life, but can be detrimental to your personal relationships if your approach is not adjusted.

I for one have a problem: I am far too critical. I have verbally pounced on people for the things they’ve done, analyzed them and their approaches, offered unsolicited advice to their “problems” and complained my way right out of their good graces. Yes, I have a problem.

Although these traits come in handy when people require my opinion or advice, they have become huge stumbling blocks for me…especially in developing meaningful relationships with the opposite sex (who HATE unsolicited advice and excessive criticism).

A few weeks ago as I was reading Proverbs I felt with great conviction that the following two verses would describe me if I didn’t change:

• "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
• "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."

Since recommitting my life to Christ I’ve been on a joy-filled high. God has blessed me in so many ways and our reunion has been tremendously sweet, but all mature Christians know that that couldn’t go on forever if I was ever to reach new heights in my faith. About five days ago God began revealing flaws in my character. I was totally awestruck. 

All I ever hear from others is “You’re so special”, “You’re beautiful”, “You’re so caring”, etcetera. So when God said my character was UGLY I must admit that it hurt me to my core. Here we are talking about my CHARACTER – not my personality (the way my character traits are presented) or my face (the way I look outwardly) – but my character (that which comprises all that I really am). I was floored. I was disappointed.  I was overwhelmed. I ran back and forth in my mind thinking, “How do I fix this? Where do I begin? This seems like such a huge job!” I just didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered that I’ve gotten where I am today by no work of my own hands and that the same one who got me here would get me where I need to be.

Nothing breaks my heart more than feeling like a disappointment and that’s exactly how I felt. But God is just so amazing. He truly listens to the cries of the brokenhearted (Psalm 34: 18) because within a day not only did He send encouragement, He also revealed to me the first step in character development:

STEP ONE: Cleave to women who are carrying Godly anointing.

Realize that cleaving to Godly women means NOT cleaving to ungodly women. You truly are who you surround yourself with so I encourage you to purge your Facebook list. Clean up your Twitter and Instagram. Follow positive role models, inspirational women, single women with purpose and married women with vision. Surround yourself with more and more and more Godly women. Also, watch who you’re spending a lot of time with. Are they pulling you closer to Christ or are they making you more like them? After doing this wait for the positive influences to (physically) come into your life (if they aren't there already).

While we each await tailor-made-for-me directives from God, here's what we can be done in the meantime to beautify our character:

1. Form a relationship with Christ. Choose relationship over religion. Dive into God’s word daily. Buy pretty pens that make you want to highlight your Bible. Begin writing in a journal. Pour your heart out to God and cling to Him. Make Him your best friend. Watch and see how quickly He starts talking to you and revealing YOUR STUFF.
2. Cleave to Godly women. This is listed as Step One above but I would not have known this if it wasn’t for my actual relationship with God.
3. Remove negative influences. Clean up your social media. I spend a lot of time on Twitter and some of the posts are so draining I literally have to put my hand over the white space until I see the name of someone that I know talks sense. It’s just not worth it. Stop watching LHHATL, Basketball Wives and related shows. These shows breed drama. In the past I would see how some of the girls reacted and would foolishly approach my then boyfriend with a similar attitude or mindset. These days I fill my head with so much positivity that negativity doesn’t have a chance to take root and I encourage you to do the same.
4. Pray. This is a major step. Ask God to crucify your flesh, to give you a heart filled with new desires, to give you a new attitude & new mindset. Ask God to equip you with the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Ask him to show you your flaws & most importantly ask Him to hold your hand as you walk through this process. You’re going to need His comfort because this is a tough road.

It is not too late to begin working on YOU. Ask God to WRECK YOU to BETTER YOU. I am so thankful to be learning this now before I actually am a wife with a home, children and finances to look after. Don’t wait to be labeled as an “ill-tempered” and “quarrelsome” wife before you begin working on YOU. Don’t spend your days watching make-up tutorials and adding to your already stuffed closets in an attempt to be considered "beautiful" because I will tell you from the bottom of my heart that nagging, complaining and critiquing will make you appear UGLY to men regardless of how outwardly pretty you are.

Please join me on this journey. Let us commit to being women of valor: true virtuous women. Let us take-hold of God's hand and trust Him to complete this work in us. I want to be BETTER. Dont' you?

“This Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34: 18

(1) Proverbs 21:9

(2) Proverbs 21:19