Lyrics Meditation: "Available To You"

Verse:

You gave me my hands to reach out to man
To show him your love and your perfect plan
You gave me my ears, I can hear your voice so clear
I can hear the cries of sinners, but can I wipe away their tears?

Chorus:
Lord I'm available to You
My will I give to You, I'll do what You say do
Use me Lord to show someone the way, and enable me to say
My storage is empty, and I am available to You

Verse:
You gave me my voice to sing out your Word
To sing all your praises to those who've never heard
But with my eyes I see Your need for more availability
I see hearts that have been broken, so many people to be freed 

Chorus:
Lord I'm available to You
My will I give to You, I'll do what You say do
Use me Lord to show someone the way, and enable me to say
My storage is empty, and I am available to You

Verse:
Now I'm giving back to You all the tools You gave to me
My hands, my ears, my voice, my eyes; so You can use them as You please
Lord I've emptied out my cup, so that You can fill me up
Now I'm free and I just want to be more available to You

Bridge:
Use me Lord to show someone the way and enable me to say

My storage is empty and I am available to You

Rev. Milton Brunson

No Makeup Challenge: #ThisIsMyFace

Today we're about to put the spotlight on my flaws. Over the past year I've developed a dependency on makeup. So much so that I didn't feel pretty or complete without at least tinted moisturizer covering my face. I specifically remember sleeping in makeup for the last two weeks of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend because I wasn't even comfortable with my bed-time and morning face...both of which people normally make allowances for and a state he'd seen me in many times. Why is it that I felt like I had to put a makeup brush on what God had perfectly painted with his brush? The answer is simple: my perception of beauty was thwarted.

If you've been following my story you know that the demise of that relationship catalyzed my full and total commitment to a relationship with Jesus Christ. The last three months have been beautiful and so enriching; however, while I have developed my inner beauty, my outer beauty - in my opinion - seems to have faded. The pinguecula (yellowing and tissue growth) on my right eye has gotten worse and my cheeks have broken out in a way I have never before witnessed. I did my best to remedy the situation with makeup and big hair, an altered diet and face washing routine...all to no avail. It just got worse.

Pinguecula in my right eye.

Imagine me so confused: 

"Lord, shouldn't I look beautiful so that people may see your glory on me?Why is my face looking like this? Lord, why did you cause the worst breakout on my cute side? Jesus Christ, please not my cute side!" 

See the pattern here? It's all so carnal...which is the total opposite of who I'm trying to be. I know that "charm is deceptive and beauty fades" (Proverbs 31:30) yet I became so caught up in vanity...all to boast that God was with me...because I was pretty. *insert side glances here*

Before mediating on all of this, my scientist mind began a series of mental experiments. I slowly observed that wearing makeup made my breakouts worse. Likewise, wearing my hair on my face (with or without hair products) made my cheeks flare up. Reluctantly, I began to wear my hair up and expose the acne. Reluctantly, I went out without makeup (or stayed home lol). I thought that was it, thinking God was saying: "Zemi stop the make-up. You are beautiful to me. You don't need to cover up because I love you just as you are." If only that was it. But seeing as God wants the best for his children, of course he wanted more...he wanted to take this one step further.

Over and over I kept seeing the verse 1 Samuel 16: 7 (emphasis added):

The Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him." The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

Of course upon reading this my carnal-minded self began thinking, "God doesn't want me to date tall and handsome?" *insert second side glance and eye roll* I began praying for God to reveal to me the hearts of the men approaching me. All that's good and great - to get to know people better and pray for discernment - but that wasn't the point. So again and again (three times in fact) I'm seeing this verse. Finally I decided to dig deeper and by dig deeper (in this case) I mean google the verse. I came across an article by Kelli Mahoney which specifically talks about focusing on inner beauty (not weeding out mates!): "God is not going to look at what we wear, how much we weigh, if our acne is cleared up, or if our braces are off...etc. Instead God is going to look more closely at what's in our hearts." She goes on to mention character and specifically notes that "character matters". So here we are (again!) - it's not about my looks, it's about my CHARACTER. 

Just to confirm that this is the message God was sending I read the second Google-recommended article by The Christian Network. That's when things really became clear. The article specifically highlighted 1 Peter 3: 3-4 (emphasis added):

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and in the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Okay so nowwww it's clear as day! *insert "duhhhh" and head shake* My focus has been on vanity, carnality and fleeting beauty - things that don't matter at all to God. I don't know how many times he has to tell me "character, character, character!!" for me to get it, but I promise I do now. No, makeup, beautiful hairstyles, accessories and great fashion sense are not wrong, what is wrong is focusing so much on them that we (you and I) forget about and neglect what truly matters to our King.

So what was my next step? You got it...I needed more knowledge so I went to my Bible, dug up these verses and their context, and then went back to Google. I found a great article on 1 Peter 3: 3-4 entitled "Do I Have a Quiet and Gentle Spirit?" You can find the article here. The writer, Erin Davis, notes:

Physical charm, physical beauty - those things are an illusion. They're fleeting. They're momentary. They can lure, but they can't last. The thing that lasts is a relationship with God.

Relationship - that is what matters - relationship. Not how I look in the mirror or how men and judging women perceive me, but my relationship with my Savior; the one who saved me from the pit of pain, frustration and desperation I was in just a few short months ago. Instead of applying makeup and fluffing my hair to amazing heights I should instead focus on cultivating more Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, peacefulness, patience, kindness & self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23). I need to walk in the way of righteousness, not turning to the left or to the right, while most importantly walking in humility. Davis further outlines what must be done to display a "gentle and quiet spirit":

- fruit of Character of Christ formed in us
- fruit of our being a blessing to others because Christ is in us
- fruit of children, natural children

Because I am unmarried and without dependents I have an abundance of time to focus on the first two. So here begins my 7 Day No Makeup Challenge. More than not wearing makeup I shall be praying daily:

Lord please renew my spirit and transform my mind. Replace all of my perceptions of beauty and attractiveness with your definitions. Mold and shape me dear Lord. Make me worthy to wear your royal robes, to work and serve you in your royal courts my King. Present me pure and whole, without spot or wrinkle so that my very life may glorify your holy name. Create in me a pure heart. Cultivate within me the fruit of your spirit O God. Teach me your way that I may not depart from it. Teach me how to live out the values of Christ, not just in word but in deed. Lord I declare that I am gentle, I am kind, I am loving, I am peaceful, I am patient, I am joyful, I am faithful and I do have self-control. O how I need you Lord. I am nothing, absolutely nothing, without you. Thank you for saving me and for taking time out to perfect me and make me better. I love you Lord God and shall forever praise your holy name. May you reign forever. May your kingdom expand throughout the earth. May you, Lord, be worshiped in spirit and in truth now and for evermore. Amen.

My sisters, learn from my journey with the Lord. This walk isn't about what you can get; it's about who you can be. The "Prosperity God" you may have been taught about in church is a facade, the true God is a God of truth. He not only wants to bring you blessings, he wants you to be your best self - even if the growth process is long and painful.

Here is my bedtime look. No make-up w/ head cloth and tired eyes.

A close-up of my right cheek.

I'm no longer ashamed of how God made me because my inner being is, and shall be, far more beautiful. #ThisIsMyFace! And I am proud that although I do have acne (at 23!), I am a beautiful creation of the Lord...set apart and chosen to expand his domain.

Let's grow together,

Zemi Regine.

Before You Say I Do...

It's her wedding day. As she walks down the aisle her senses are filled with the fragrance and splendor of the hundreds of roses lining the pews and the altar. Her heart beams as she rests her gaze upon her handsome soon-to-be husband in tears, eyes focused only on her. The smiles of her guests mean nothing as she makes her way towards her God-given, true love. Following the direction of the priest, the couple each in turn recite their wedding vows:

I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

The day was magical and they have an entire photo album, expensive silverware and crystal to prove it.

I have never been married, but I don't know of any woman who has who has really thought of the magnitude of her wedding vows. Many of the brides I know are too engrossed in wedding preparations, cake tastings, invite sending and dress fittings to even ponder upon what the priest is taking care of (i.e. the vows). These vows, the words you say before God and man to bind your self to another person forever, until death do you part. Until death.

When I think for better or for worse I think of petty arguments, trips to the dog house and slamming doors. I have never, until now, thought of terminal illnesses and the impending loss of a spouse (although I witnessed my father become a widower). I have never considered the handsome face of my lover being contorted by disease and illness or ever once dreamed of his wonderfully sculpted body turning to mere flesh and bone right before my eyes, under the care of my hands.

When I think of for richer or for poorer I am led to think of a lost job, short period of unemployment and stressed finances while putting children through university. I have never once thought of looming medical bills, hundreds upon thousands of dollars spent to keep my God-given, true love alive.

When I think of in sickness and in health I have considered only common colds, maybe a scare of high blood pressure and a broken arm or leg. I have never once considered that my love and best friend could be so sick he would be unable to lift his arm to touch my face or so drained he couldn't mouth the words "I love you". I never once considered that God could gift me this amazing love then allow me to watch it wither away like all of the roses picked and cut to adorn the church.

I have never considered any of these things until now and I'm sure Angie Gray never considered them either as her entire life changed once her beloved, successful Will was diagnosed with cancer and later when the cancer took his strength and right eye and later still when cancer, and let me add the will of God, took Will's life. In spite of the mounting bills and the sudden loss of all that they had built together, within each other, through God...their love grew, their trust in God grew, their testimony grew. It seems as if the death of so many flowers fertilized the ground for a garden of new flowers. On July 26th, 2013 God took Will home - now we watch as the flowers bloom. We look to see their colour and shape and stand in wait of their fragrance.

I really hope this video touches your heart and that it prompts you to count the true cost of those vows you make before God and man on the most amazing day of your life. Count the cost. Cover your future husband and family in prayer. Love, love, love like you don't have a string of tomorrows but only one more TODAY.

Lord please spare my love. Keep my husband and myself healthy and whole to see our children and grandchildren and even our very first grandchild. Lord you have complete and total control and I trust you with my whole life...I pray that you hear my prayer, and even the words I cannot type. Lord please protect us. Dear Lord, you have promised to destroy death and loss. Please along with that loss destroy cancer. Destroy this disease that spreads and kills, that leaves one weak, helpless and wreathing in pain. Lord please bring healing to Angie as she faces the biggest loss of her life. Please keep Will's memory alive in the hearts of his loved ones and in strangers like myself. May your will be done, my king, in all things. May your name be praised. Even out of pain, even out of anger, even out of confusion may You be glorified. Amen.

Through the Speaker: Jonathan McReynolds - "I Love You"

This song truly touched my heart this morning. May it touch you in the same way.

Lord, I love you. You brought me out of a deep, dark pit of pain, loneliness and desperation. You saved me with your very own hands. I will live everyday of my life aware of what you've done. I love you.