Putting Down the Pen

Today was supposed to be my anniversary...

On January 29th, 2013 I walked head first into a relationship with a young man I used to study with on campus, but really, barely knew. I knew how he looked. I knew his walk. I knew his voice. I knew his birthday and his hometown. I knew he posted scriptures on Twitter, played for the varsity basketball team, was tall and handsome, a little bit of a flirt and a new student at my university. Beyond that...I actually knew nothing. 

Did I counsel with God before walking into this relationship? No.
Had I cleared my head space, phone and life of randoms? No.
Had I dealt with my trust issues? No.
Had I dealt with my temper? No.
Did God say it was time? No.
Were we dating with purpose? No.

I look at the answers to the above questions and aside from seeing a sequence of "No", I see red flag after red flag after red flag.

I have always prided myself on leaving my exs with good memories, but I honestly don't feel I left him with many at all. My insecurities came alive, the arguments were frequent, there was minimal trust and, worst of all, the relationship did not honor God.

Now I sit here thinking...today was supposed to be my anniversary. I don't regret that relationship (or any of my other failed relationships) because I have learned so much about myself and others. God has made me His own and betrothed me to himself, which alone is worth every tear I cried last year.

I admit I have tried to rush this season of singleness. I have tried to manipulate situations for my benefit...all to no avail. None of my plans succeeded. Proverbs 19:21 states, "Many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Was rushing and nagging my way out of my single season a part of God's purpose? Clearly not. 

I've come to a place now where I see the benefit of being alone. I don't spend any time locked in the arms of a man so entranced by his good looks that I forget my sense of self. I'm not so overly consumed with another that I neglect myself, my friends or my walk with God. I am satisfied and single; content just where I am.

In June (when I became single) I asked God for this to be my last season of singleness. I don't want to date aimlessly anymore. I don't want to step outside of God's will. I don't want to stray to the left nor to the right. I only want what God wants me to have. Nothing more, nothing less. And if that means waiting 5 years then so be it. I'm tired of relationship cycles. I'm tired of the love cycle. I'm tired of giving so much of myself that I have nothing left for me. I'm tired of games. I'm just tired. 

Today may have been the anniversary I was looking forward to last year, but it was not a part of the story God is writing for me. Ever since the day God called me back to Him I realized I must stop struggling with the pen. There is nothing that can be done to expedite the process. There are no shortcuts. There is just God leading, guiding, writing, keeping, loving, nurturing, healing, directing and securing. So then really - why struggle? Why stand over His shoulder watching for every new word He writes? Why try to add my own plot twists and endings when He is such a creative, sovereign, all knowing, wise and loving God? I have therefore entrusted Him, the author of the universe, to write my love story. He can take all of my pens and all of my diaries. He can take my keyboard and memo pad. I'm laying them all down. I'm putting down my beautiful fountain pen. I'm erasing all deadlines and expectations and allowing Him, my King, to write freely.

Wait with me in inner beauty,

Zemi

Through the Speaker: Tamela Mann "I Can Only Imagine"

Sometimes I lay on my bed, play this song and just wonder what it would be like to be in the presence of God. To me that is heaven, and to be devoid of him in every form...well, to me that's hell.

13 Must-Read Bible Stories

 

The Bible is filled to the brim with amazing stories of God's love and faithfulness. Even when God is angry and punishing His children we are able to see that it is only out of perfect love that He admonishes. But don't take my word for it - go and see for yourself! I've compiled a list of popular Bible stories and a few of my own favourites. I pray that you be richly blessed as you read the word of God. One second though...before you begin reading, start with this simple prayer:
 
Lord please open my eyes to the hidden truths in your word. Minister to me in a personal way. Transform my heart of stone into a heart of flesh so that the Holy Spirit may be able to mould and shape me. Convict me with your words heavenly father. Speak to my heart and renew my mind. Help me to see You in perfect holiness as I read these passages. Enable me Lord to understand, discern, listen and obey.

1. The Birth of Jesus - Matthew 1: 18-25 & Luke 2: 1-20
There is no way I could let you begin digging into Bible stories without first starting with the birth of our Savior. I mean how dare I skip the most monumental day of our lives!? (Yes it's that serious lol) I encourage you to read the accounts in both Matthew and Luke. Luke also presents a great back story of when Mary, Jesus' mother, was first visited and told she would be with child so be sure to read the whole of Luke chapters 1 & 2 when you get a chance.

2. The Creation Story - Genesis 1 & 2
It takes true faith in God to read the creation story and fully believe that our supreme creator wrought us into being with mere words. Listen to this, "Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters" (Genesis 1: 2 NIV). At this stage of my walk I'm becoming a bit of a God fanatic so that sentence alone is moving me. The spirit of God (Holy Spirit) hovered over the waters of our now home Earth...and God said, "Let there be light." There it began!

3.Ruth & Boaz -Ruth
If you're a woman and have been in the faith for some time you'll begin to notice Christian women say, "I'm looking for my Boaz." You may have even seen the Instagram post: "While waiting for your Boaz don't settle for his cousins: Broke-az, Lying-az..." lol The story of Ruth isn't only about finding a husband. It's about loyalty, reliance upon God, listening to the counsel of your elders, obedience, hard work and the importance of a good reputation...among other things. It's a great read if you want to say I've read at least one full book of the Bible.

4. Esther - Esther
Likewise with Ruth, Esther is a popular story among women. There is so much in this story that I can't get into in this post, but what I get most from the book is how to respond in tricky situations and the importance of good character. Esther didn't act irrationally. She was pensive, fasted, sought God's counsel...and then acted. I have such a hard time controlling my tongue and being less impulsive that I just wish I could model this women. She was both beautiful and intelligent...a great role model for women of today.

5. The Prodigal Son - Luke 15: 11-32
While reading this passage picture yourself as the son who left home and his father as God. When you returned to the Kingdom, God rejoiced. He didn't chastise you. He wasn't disappointed He didn't have a long lecture waiting for you. Instead, He had a huge smile, open arms and a feast. Welcome back to the faith.

6. Elijah & The Prophets of Baal - 1 Kings 18: 1-40
Okay now this story really gets me. Elijah (a prophet) gathers together all the "prophets" of Baal (a pagan god) and pretty much stages a competition called "Who's God Is Real?" I won't spoil it for you, but this is an amazing, amazing passage. It will definitely get you in praise mode like, "Yup! That's my God!"

7. The Choosing of King David - 1 Samuel 16: 1-13
I can't tell you how symbolic this story is in my life, but I will say that if you really pray before reading this God will surely hit you with something. And if not, you can walk away with one simple truth and hold it close to your heart: "...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16: 7).

8. David & Goliath - 1 Samuel 17
Even if you've never read this story for yourself I'm sure you can give me a pretty good summary. It's a very common story, but I still think it's worth reading it for yourself...or at least knowing which part of the Bible it's from.

9. Jesus Heals A Crippled Woman - Luke 13: 10-13
You can read this passage in under 5 minutes but I encourage you to spend at least an hour thinking about it. Jesus saw this broken woman, called her forward, spoke healing over her...then touched her. I mean yes in the literal this is what He did, but think about your broken heart, your broken spirit...and Jesus saying "Woman, you are set free!"...then immediately you are straightened...everything is right...you are free. Accept Jesus' call so that this can be your reality...then praise!

10. Hosea & His Unfaithful Wife - Hosea 1, 2 & 3
God instructed Hosea, an upstanding man of God, to marry a hoe. It wasn't a Amber Rose - I used to be an exotic dancer and got wifed up - kind of situation or even a Kendra Wilkinson - I used to be a Playboy Bunny but then I found true love and wanted to settle down - kind of situation. It was a "I'm a hoe and I still love being a hoe so I'm going to go on being a hoe whether you put a ring on it or not" type of situation...and God said, "Marry her." Now I know you're wondering..."Why in the world would God do that?" It's simple. God was trying to show how He felt being "married" to Israel (His chosen people). For years they had been unfaithful no matter how great, loving, forgiving and nurturing God was. So why not paint the picture for us humans by sending a man to fall in love with an unfaithful whore. Yes it sounds extreme, but it sure does get the point across.

11. Daniel Thrown Into the Lion's Den - Daniel 6: 16-24
If there is any kind of man I'd love to marry, it would be Daniel. This young man was selected to live in the King's royal court so he had a great job, he consulted God's counsel before making decisions, he was wise, stood up for what was right, wasn't easily influenced anddd he was good looking. I mean what else could you want right?! lol Okay, okay let me get to the point. This story shows just how amazing God is to His faithful children. I mean Daniel is thrown into a pit full of hungry lions and nothing happens. They don't even flinch. They don't go sniff him out or tear off a leg for a taste...they just go on chilling. Flash forward a bit and the bad guys who caused Daniel to be thrown into the pit are themselves thrown into the pit and what happens? They are devoured faster than you can say, "Dig in." All I have to say is who God keeps is well kept.

12. Saul on the Road to Damascus - Acts 9: 1-22
Saul persecuted the early church heavily. I mean he went above and beyond to make sure the early Christians kept their mouths shut. And guess who handpicked him to be used for the development of the very movement he was trying to crush? None other than Jesus Christ himself. Saul was really doing the most and Jesus came right there and spun his whole life upside down to use him for HIS own purposes and good. Amazing right? Read it for yourself.

13. The Crucifixion of Christ - John 18-20, Luke 22-24, Mark 15-16, Matthew 26-28
Jesus' betrayal, trail, death sentence, last moments and resurrection are all here for you to take in. This is very somber reading, but you must remember that what Jesus did was necessary He sacrificed himself as a sin offering so that you could be freed from sin and the law that led to death. Animal sacrifices weren't cutting it. No amount of dead birds, baby cows or goats could atone the many sins of God's people. The laws weren't working, the old covenant proved futile so this is what God did: He sent His son, His own son - the one who was with Him when He created the Earth, the one who sat at His right hand - to dieeeee so that we might have a chance at eternal life. You may be too young in your walk to truly grasp the magnitude of what Jesus really did and how amazing God's plan for our lives really is...but reading these passages is a great start.

Yes I know I've only highlighted 13 stories, but trust me there are so, so many amazing stories in the Bible. And when I say "story" don't think these things are made up. The Bible contains HISTORICAL EVENTS. Jesus was real...and if you don't believe me go watch the Discovery Channel. King David really was a king. Saul really was an evangelist who lived and breathed just as Billy Graham is living and breathing today. These things happened! It's up to you to apply your faith and uncover the mysteries in these passages: the secret messages God hid in the crevices of these sentences just for you.

I pray that you be blessed. I pray that you actually do pick up your Bible and search for these stories. I pray that you grow to love the word of God even moreeee than I do. I pray that God richly blesses you and rewards you greatly for seeking Him. Welcome back to the Kingdom.

Always,

 

 

Zemi

This post was originally featured on afterthealtartv.blogspot.ca.

Through the Speaker: Le'Andria J. - "Sooner or Later"

This song speaks so deep into my life. I feel so stressed trying to face people's expectations boldly. I feel like I've let many people down and nothing pierces my heart more than feeling like I've disappointed someone. I don't know what will come of my life. At times I feel like I'm standing in quicksand while at a crossroads: the longer I take to decide a path, the further into the sand I sink. But I know the promises God made me for 2014. I remember what He said to me and I know no word shall return to Him void. Join me as I place my hand in His. I have no control; therefore, I can only trust Him.

Le'Andria Johnson - "Sooner or Later"

"God's time is not our time. He's got it all under control - you'll be fine."