Testimony: A (Real) Love Story

This testimony was so beautiful that I had to share. It also reminded me of my previous post "Am I in the Wrong Fairy Tale?" Charis is living proof that you can find your prince without seeking. She developed her inner beauty, strengthened her relationship with God, listened to his voice and was obedient. She waited. Despite what others said, she waited. Despite passing birthdays, she waited. See for yourselves how her obedience was rewarded in the video below.

Remember to wait in inner beauty as God writes your very own love story.

Tweet

Spoken Word: "Deanna"

"Deanna" 

November 25th, 2011

This was my second time performing in public. My mother died of an asthma attack in 2002 when I was just 12 years old. Since coming to Canada I've realized that I suffer from seasonal depression around the time of her death. In an attempt to overcome this depression I performed this piece, which talks about the night she died, on the actual day that she died.

I encourage everyone to treat the people they love with care. At anytime they can be gone. Do they know how much you really love them? Does your mother know you appreciate her? Has your best friend heard how proud you are of her? Does your girlfriend know just how much you care?

Stop treating people like they're here forever. Once I'm gone I won't be able to read what you write about me on your "RIP Zemi" page. Tell me while I'm here. Tell her while she's here. Tell him while he's here.

Love, today.

*If anyone wondered why I kept messing with the cord it's because I'm a klutz and was deathly afraid that I would trip and embarrass myself.*

Tweet

Who I Am Now

My heart is bigger, not broken.
My faith is firm, not shaken.
My smile is brighter, not faded.
My self is true, not jaded.

A Woman's Journey to Contentment

Have you ever struggled with being happy right now? I mean the you've got bills to pay, school work is stressing you out, your boyfriend broke up with you, your best friend betrayed you, your children won't stop nagging you, your boss fired you kind of right now. I find myself guilty of always wanting to be in the next season: I'm single - I want a relationship, I'm in a relationship - I want to be single, I'm in school - I want to be working, I'm working - I want to go back to school. Never can I seem to find a sense of contentment in my current season.

Priscilla Shirer, author of "The Resolution for Women"

A few weeks ago I stumbled onto Priscilla Shirer, an author, motivational speaker, wife and mother. She was discussing 10 of the 13 resolutions in her book "The Resolution for Women". The first resolution just happened to be "A Resolution to be Content":

I do solemnly resolve to embrace my current season of life, and will maximize my time in it. I will resist the urge to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey but will live with a spirit of contentment.

Priscilla encourages us as women to be content just where we are. If you are single get the most out of this season: travel, go to conferences, put your all into ministry. If you're married with small children enjoy the opportunity to mold and shape their young minds. If you're married with teenagers enjoy watching your children grow into adults. In each season there is much to be revealed about ourselves. At each stage we grow in different ways and also observe our relationship with God take on a new shape as we add to our life experiences.

So what if you were dumped? How many times did you miss church because you wanted to continue snuggling up to your beau on Sunday morning? So you're not getting any sleep because you have a newborn? How about you sing praise songs to your child and talk to God as you rock your baby to sleep at 2am? You're lonely because your children recently left the nest? How about you take this time to strengthen your relationship with your husband? Why not engage in more volunteer work or host a Bible study in your home? There are so many examples I can give you. The point is to find a reason and means to be content right here, right now despite everything that is going on.

In each season of our lives we need to take time to see how God's hand is moving. What are we missing in our rush to be in the next season of our lives? What little blessings are we blind to because we're in such a rush that our vision is blurred?

Priscilla notes, "There are good things to be had right where you are." Say to yourself right now:

There are good things to be had right where I am.

Here's my story. Just a few weeks ago my boyfriend dumped me. I spent many nights crying and asking God why. Why me? Why make me go through this again?! What did I do?! After hearing Priscilla's message my whole outlook changed. I told myself, "Zemi, this is the last time you will be in this season so work on you." I'm working on becoming more patient, more understanding, less controlling and less volatile. I'm working on my body, mind and spirit and I'm so much happier. Sometimes I do get low. I begin thinking: "He doesn't miss me. He fooled me. He's talking to all these girls." Sometimes I just want to cry into my pillow because I miss what we had. As the tears begin to fall I look up Priscilla's video. I remember this is the last time I will ever be single. I remember how God has been blessing me - how He pulled me out of a deep pit of hurt into His comforting embrace - and I feel so refreshed. I love the Lord and can actually see the way He's moving in my life all because I've begun making an effort to be content. I can't waste one single day being sad when I have so much living to do.

I do solemnly declare to live with a spirit of contentment. Do you?

Tweet

Smoke & Ashes

Prelude:
This poem came about because of an observation that men typically seem unaffected after losing someone and - instead of drowning in their circumstances like women - usually use alcohol, weed or speeding to get over their emotional pain. If you're a weed smoking male you may enjoy it. If not, skip over to the next blog entry.
Written: June 10th, 2012

All of your problems go up in the smoke.
You watch the gray rise into the air and draw another pull.
This joint is personal.
You think about the way she makes you feel.
Ashes fall.
You think about her hands on your skin.
Smoke rises.
You tell yourself you only need THC.
Ashes fall.
You exhale and form an ‘O’.
Smoke rises.
You say fxck her TLC.
Ashes fall.
Smoke rises.
Ashes fall.
Smoke rises.
You cough a little –
On the truth, not the smoke.
You think, “Maybe I missed a seed.”
You take a long pull.
Your eyelids drop.
You lean your head back
And relax.
Ashes fall.
Memories fade.
Ashes fall.
Memories fade.
“You don’t need her.”
“She’s not the one.”
Memories fade.
Ashes fall.
Smoke rises.

Tweet

Am I in the Wrong Fairy Tale?

If you're anything like me you grew up totally obsessed with the idea of being a princess and watched (or read) numerous fairy tales involving a man (usually a prince) pursuing a woman. Here's a short list of some of  the most beloved Disney classics with this premise:

• Snow White
• Sleeping Beauty
• Cinderella
• Aladdin 

Still, despite all of these examples from our childhood, many women choose to live out their lives like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Most of you probably know full well the details of this Disney classic, but I'll give you a brief overview. Ariel, a beautiful, red headed mermaid, discovered the statue of a handsome human and often fantasized of one day being with this man. One night she actually saw this human and got the opportunity to save his life. He was unconscious and of course had no idea who had saved him. Ariel then convinced herself that she would never be happy unless she had Prince Eric in her life. To be with him she ignored the counsel of her father, King Triton, and sought out the help of a sorceress. Ariel traded in her glorious mermaid tale for human legs she didn't even know how to use in order to have the opportunity to win Eric's heart. As payment, Ariel sacrificed her beautiful voice, became mute and was subject to the demands of the evil sorceress. So now, at 23, I'm watching this movie and the first thing that comes to my mind is: "This girl is really doing too much." 

In the movie Ariel eventually did marry Prince Eric. Consequently, we all grew up with it ingrained in our minds that when we alter ourselves to get a man we can actually get that man. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but Disney remodeled the story specifically so that little girls the world over walked away with this particular notion and happy ending. In the original story by Hans Christian Andersen the prince married someone else and poor Ariel - unable to verbally convey her love - turned into sea foam. So then...was all that really worth it?

Now let's take it to real life. How many of us have remodeled our bodies and lives so as to attract the attention of a man? How many of us have sought counsel, ignored the advice of our loved ones and even our heavenly father to pursue a man? How many of you actually watch your girlfriends continuously chase down men at any cost? Why do we not wait in patient anticipation like we are taught to do in so many of our other beloved childhood tales?

Let's examine the story of Aurora from Sleeping Beauty. Did she sit and cry every day waiting on her prince or did she continue being her genuine and beautiful high-spirited self? She was an obedient child and each day sought to please her fairy god mothers by dutifully and happily completing her chores. She was admired and adored and never wallowed over her situation. She kept busy. She was a woman worth pursuing and, as such, just to be with her, her prince cut through thorns and even killed a dragon. Now who doesn't want that?

Ten minutes on Instagram and you can see how backward society has become. In almost every other species the male has the beautiful colors and patterns while the female is bland (think of a peacock). Some species even fight to the death to be with their mate. Now I'm not encouraging violence in any way, but shouldn't we as women realize we're actually worth this much? We're worth being impressed. We're worth the effort! We're worth the waiting! We're worth the courtship! Yet...we're on Instagram with coats of make-up. We're getting booty shots, breast implants, nose reconstruction, etc all to impress a man. 

Whenever I'm approached by a man I think to myself, "I wish he could see my heart." Shouldn't that be what we present and work so hard to beautify? Shouldn't our character be more attractive than our faces? Ladies, let's make a conscious effort to reestablish our self worth. Let's get busy being women of purpose! The men will come. They may be busy fighting through some thorns right now, but they will come.

Wait in inner beauty.

Love always,

Zemi Holland

Waiting in inner beauty.
[May 2012 photo-shoot with Leaundra Lewis Designs.]

The Bed Always Has Space For Me

Didn't Daddy keep you warm in the big wooden bed he made? Or does a mother always leave empty space for her to slide away from being a wife to cradle her child? Before the sun would fully rise my six year old eyes would open and I would tip-toe across the floor to awaken Zane and Shani. Silently tipping, heavily breathing. You heard my bare feet rest upon the red clay tiles and pulled me into your arms.  I would be upset I could not play as I lay in the prison of your arms. Then I'd trace your face with my tiny fingers. "Mummy has freckles." "Mummy has tiny holes on her face." "Mummy has red-brown skin." "Mummy is so pretty." "Mummy's hair is so soft." "Mummy is so warm." "Mummy is mine." I'd giggle as Daddy snored. "I'm stealing her Daddy - she's mine."

June  1st, 2012

Be A David: A Father's Day Message

Many are often fascinated that 20 year old King Solomon asked God for wisdom and discernment - not riches, the demise of his enemies or long life, but wisdom (1 Kings 3: 6-9). However, we fail to take notice of the seed King David, Solomon's father, planted in Solomon's life while he was still alive. 

David wanted desperately to build a temple for the ark of the Lord, but God told him that he had shed too much blood and that his son would build a temple for Him instead (2 Samuel 7:8-16, 1 Kings 5: 3-5, 1 Kings 8: 17-19). David was so excited that God had personally promised that one of his own offspring would build a permanent house for the Lord and that his kingdom would go on forever. He was so zealous to please the Lord that he began planning for the building of the temple in his own lifetime. He appointed workers, drew up the building plans and even collected the supplies. He put aside gold, silver, bronze, wood and stone in huge quantities in preparation for the building of the temple (1 Chronicles 22). 

Now let's consider this deeper. When God told David that his son would build the temple did he sit contented with this promise and turn his attention to renovating and expanding his palace? No, he began getting the supplies in order to aid his son. Hear that? He began getting the supplies ready to aid his son. He was preparing for the next generation not only via conveying instruction, but by observable, measurable action.

David left his son a road-map. He gave his son a push. He gave his son a start. He didn't just tell Solomon what God said and leave him be - he helped him by using his own time and resources while he was ALIVE, ABLE and IN POWER. 

Now back to why we should credit David's parenting for why his young son asked God for wisdom, of all things a young man could ask for. David sat Solomon down and told him the story of how God had chosen him (Solomon) to build the temple. David told Solomon of the plans he had devised in preparation for the temple and ENCOURAGED Solomon to be "strong and courageous", to not be discouraged although the work seemed so important and intensive (1 Chronicles 28:20). 

David gave Solomon detailed instructions and essentially scared the poor boy - even outright telling him that he was "young and inexperienced" (1 Chronicles 29:1). Imagine teenage Solomon thinking:

"This is so important to my father. He keeps telling people that this is MY job. Oh my, this is such a great responsibility! Dad has taken so much time to prepare. His instructions are so specific. What if I mess up? Father is dying. He won't be with me as I complete this. What do I do? Who shall I turn to? Oh Lord I need WISDOM!"

So just by David planning and preparing and showing Solomon by action and word how important this project was, he was able to instill in Solomon the seriousness of this project. He showed his son how to prioritize, plan and get things DONE. 

Not only did David afford Solomon the gift of relying upon his own planning, but he also taught Solomon to rely upon the Lord - the one who had pulled him from a mere chaser of sheep to a ruler of a kingdom. So then who would be able to direct Solomon after the death of his father? Who could provide him with knowledge to know in every circumstance, "What would my father do?" Who but the very one who instructed and leaded his own father.

So don't be surprised that a 20 year old who was new to the throne and the power that automatically came with being a king asked the almighty, all powerful, all knowing God for wisdom and discernment. As far as he was concerned he was already rich. His father had already secured him safety and rest from his enemies. All he needed was the direction from the father he lost and who better to provide that than the one who had directed his father? So no, don't be shocked. Don't sit and wonder, "Well, why did Solomon do that? Was he just trying to get on God's good side?" Instead, credit Solomon's stunning request to his willing heart, listening ear and the wise and wonderful counsel, preparation and parenting of his father.

Be a great father. Be a David.

My father, Bill, with myself ( center) and my siblings.

Tweet