Testimony: Forgiveness Begets Freedom

By now, most of you know my story: I lost my mother at 12 years old, lost my father in a sense for a while as he grieved, moved to the city to live with my uncle, experienced an abusive relationship in college, etc. I love my story and I would not change it. Though painful, each experience has made me resilient, relatable and, quite frankly, me. But I see all too often people who hang on to their stories for attention, for sympathy, for comfort and never release the pain attached to those memories. They never forgive the people who evoked their pain. They become trapped in a bottle of their memories, imprisoned by unforgiveness.

Dad and I at my book signing and sale (July 2016)

I am so happy I am not there, but I can't say I've never been there. I have shared previously on the anger I had towards my father when my mummy died. I had no reason to be angry at him. There was nothing he did or anything he could have done to deserve my anger, but it persisted anyway. Once I realized why I was angry, I still could not forgive him in an instant. It took time, but I was committed to it. I went from not being able to stand the sound of his voice to calling him just to talk. I went from hanging up the phone with a mere, "Bye" to saying, "I love you daddy." It's a process, but I was intentional about forgiving him and treating him as someone who had my forgiveness. I walk that forgiveness out daily. Daily.

Daddy and I in Paris, France (July 2016)

Many men have hurt me. Likewise, I have hurt many men. But I have freed them all. I apologized to men who, for years, I felt owed me an apology. Why? Because unforgiveness was imprisoning me, not them.

The relationship I went through in college, though painful, showed me that I could be strong. It also showed me the power of sharing your experiences. I have forgiven him completely and we are friends today. Why? Because I don't hold the opinion that a man who hits a woman will forever and ever be a monster, as I have heard some say. I don't think a man who hits a woman at one point in his life should forever be coated with the label, "abuser". That is not forgiveness. We realize now the power of our story to transform lives, and he has accepted my intent to share. That took forgiveness for him. He had to forgive me in his heart and come to an understanding that I wasn't sharing to hurt him, but to help others. 

Likewise, Diahann Carroll, a former actress most known for her performance on the popular 80s show Dynasty, learned that forgiveness begets freedom. Well into her 50s, she learned to forgive her parents for abandoning her as a child. I'm sure her story of being abondened at 3/4 years old softened a lot of hearts towards her. I'm sure she was able to use the story to her advantage throughout her career. Yet, just as she did, one must come to a point of realization that the act of harbouring unforgivenss weighs one down. Though you may feel your story is propelling you forward, the weight remains. The weight remains. Imagine how tired you would be if you walked 10 steps with a 40 lb weight. Now image walking a mile with that same weight. Though you are farther, and perhaps closer to where you want to be, you are more tired and pained than before. That's not a life worth living. Free yourself from your prison. Release the pain. Release your story's grip on your life and hold fast to forgiveness.

I'm rooting for you.

Love,

Zemi

Through the Speaker: Bri - "Jacob's Song"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 30

"It is finished! The battle is over! It is finished...there'll be no more war!"

As I came to write this post I immediately began singing the above line from the song "It Is Finished". These 30 days have come to an end. Have any of these days ever felt like a battle? Yes, they have. Have I ever felt like I was warring with my flesh to: (1) learn how to wait, and (2) stay consistent in these posts? Oh yes. But guess what? It is done! 

My circumstances have not changed. I'm still in #TheWait, but my perspective has changed greatly. I feel like I walked in obedience this month. I feel like I brought honor to my Father. I feel accomplished and at peace. I have renewed my mind on waiting, and it feels great. 

I no longer look at waiting as a burden, but as a necessary process: a purposeful, strategic process that I need to be ready for the next season of my life.

I have nicknamed this year #TheYearOfYes. I have said, "Yes" to almost every ask and, most importantly, to myself and to God. I feel like I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do. And that is to walk in purpose.

I pray these 30 days have inspired you in some way or another. Really, I just wanted to encourage others that they weren't alone in their wait. That being impatient doesn't have to be your life story. That the suspense and anxiety surrounding waiting does not have to last forever. Renew your mind, renew your life. Here's to the final 30 days of 2016. 

I love you all!

"Wait in inner beauty."

30 Days of Waiting: Day 29

"This is not a time to get distracted. This is not a time to go off course. Got a work to do for the Lord and you cannot afford to lose your way. You've come too far from where you've started so please don't let the time you've sown be wasted..." #KevinLevar #YourDestiny

30 Days of Waiting: Day 28

My 25th Birthday, May 2015

Let me take a moment to love on my boo, Ian. I threaten to leave him almost monthly because I'm still working through my serial dater mentality, my run-when-it-gets-real mentality and an over-indulgence in emotional reactions. This road has by no means been easy. To be completely honest, any time I get frustrated about not having sex I become moody and take it out on Ian. Why? Quite simply, I have yet to get my flesh completely under submission. Marriage isn't all about sex so all of this definitely has to get checked at the door.

I know many Christian couples have experienced pure bliss during courtship, but I have gone through seasons of HATING it. Courting is in one word: work. I know for some it's a joy ride but for me it has meant stretching and pulling and waiting and waiting and submitting and breaking and rebuilding, continuously. Maybe because I got the submission memo late in the game....

Early in our relationship, actually before our relationship, Ian and I had a disagreement. I'm sure the issue was small, but all the same we had a disagreement. I remember being in the shower talking to God and all of a sudden I hear in my spirit that I failed a submission test. Instantly, I went into defense mode, "Submission test?! He's not even my boyfriend! Why would I submit to someone who isn't my husband, let alone not even my boyfriend?!" Throughout the many months of dating, I have been called to submit to Ian and to respect him as the Bible declares wives ought to, but I rebelled. I rebelled HARD and I payed the price.

One day I saw Allyson Rowe's post on IG that was essentially a short sermon on Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." She said that when we are found, we are a wife. Ding. Ding. Ding. A light bulb went off in my head that I am to love, respect and submit NOW because Ian found a wife in me, not a girlfriend, not a playmate, not a coworker, etc.

Ladies!! The spirit of a WIFE is not found in a ring. It is found in your character!! // Full video on Facebook + YouTube // #ForSuchATimeAsThis

A video posted by A l l y s o n R o w e (@allysonmrowe) on Sep 29, 2016 at 6:16pm PDT

Still, although I got the message, it was difficult to live out the message I had learned. I began to make subtle changes in the way I spoke to Ian, especially in frustration. Let's just say, I'm a work in progress. I appreciate with all of me his patience throughout this process. He never calls me out of my name, he never slams doors on me or walks away from me (that's the foolishness I do), he has never raised a hand against me and he has never called quits on me. Truly, I think God made him special and I am so happy for the experiences he has accumulated for they have helped him to hone the skills necessary to be with me. He is truly a blessing. Yes, Ian, if you read this...I said that you truly are a blessing. And I promise to do better by being my best.

Attending my god brother's wedding, May 2016

30 Days of Waiting: Day 27

30 Days of Waiting: Day 26

30 Days of Waiting: Day 25

As you can see, I am very late with this (and subsequent) posts. Friday, November 25th made 14 years since my mother died so I decided to go visit a family friend for the weekend and never got around to posting. I did my first Facebook live video on Saturday and spoke about the things I've learned since being motherless.

Although it's not waiting related, I'll post the video here:

30 Days of Waiting: Day 24

Who's Waiting With You?

Part IV

And David saw that Saul was come out to seek his life: and Davis was in the wilderness of Ziph in a wood. And Jonathan, Saul's son, arose, and went to David in the wood, and strengthened hs hand in God. And he said unto him, "Fear not: for the hand of Saul my father shall not find thee; and thou shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next unto thee' and that also Saul my father knoweth. [1 Samuel 23: 15-17]

Questions:
1. Who's waiting with you? Who's waiting on the day you are "safe", the day the promises God made you are fulfilled? Who's waiting to be your second in command? Who's waiting to assist you? 
2. Who is willing to risk their life to go through the "woods" to strengthen you?
3. Would any of your friends step into your camp (your situation) to strengthen you/pray for you?

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16: 33(b) NIV

30 Days of Waiting: Day 23

Today, I just want to encourage you to take some time out to pray. The same amount of time you dedicate to reading my daily posts could be spent with God. SO right now, in this moment. Please pray. With a thankful heart, enter His gates with thanksgiving and praise.

He's waiting on you.

Love,

Zemi

30 Days of Waiting: Day 22

Who's Waiting With You?

Part III

Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day" I also and my maidens will fast likewise, and so will I do in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish. [Esther 4:16]

At this point in history, Esther had a lot on her plate. She had been asked by her uncle to approach the king, her husband, on behalf of her people that their lives may be spared from a genocide that was planned to take place. She was afraid and needed support more than ever. 

I don't know if you've ever tried to fast on your own but it sure is no easy task. Oftentimes I begin with intentions to fast until a certain hour only to forget all about it. But accountability, oh how it changes things! Esther called not only the people of Shushan outside of the palace walls to fast, she always challenged her maidens to fast with her. I'm sure they saw her tears and weak moments. I'm sure they heard her prayers. But more than that, they fasted with her. They were weak with her. They cried with her. They prayed with her. They waited with her! In those moments I'm sure her maidens brought her strength, they brought her accountability, they helped her to focus on the task at hand. 

Yes, these are a whole lot of assumptions, but I know for a fact that Esther would not have been able to complete three days of fasting from both food and drink without a solid support system. You may be approaching a daunting task, you may need to hide yourself away with those you trust in order to fast and pray. You may need the support of accountability partners and prayer partners as you wait and consecrate. So again, it matters and must be asked, "Who's waiting with you?"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 21

Who's Waiting With You?

Part II

Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, "Behold, the bridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, "Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out." But the wise answered, saying, "No so'lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, "Lord, Lord, open to us." But he answered and said, "Verily I say unto you, I know you not." [Matthew 25: 1-12]

This text is about being prepared for the hour Jesus returns; however, I want to focus particularly on the (wise) women who were waiting and who they were waiting with. If it's not clear, they were waiting with five foolish virgins. Why were they foolish? Because these five women did not think to bring extra oil for their lamps knowing they may possible have to wait for an extended period until the bridegroom comes. And why were the other five virgins wise? Because they were prepared: they brought enough oil to keep their lamps burning.

Waiting is a part of life. I think we have already established that fact. We have also established that there are many facets of, and purposes, for waiting. Waiting can essentially be a shifting process like it was for this groom who avoided marrying five foolish young women.

There are so many nuggets to walk away with from this text, but I want to hone in on the company we keep. Undoubtedly having other women to wait with made the waiting period more bearable, which is an experience both I and many of you can relate to. The other day I was in the subway for 40 minutes with a friend of mine. I had made the journey to our destination alone and we came back together. The return journey felt so much shorter and was so much more enjoyable than the ride I took alone. Why? Because of (good) company. Still, having company can be frustrating when your friends just want to take from you, pull you down or distract you from your purpose.

The five foolish virgins (#FoolishFive) were so willing to take from the little that the #WiseFive had in order to cover themselves. Be aware of takers on this journey: those who survey what you have and look for avenues to take or copy. Those people aren't going where you are going. They aren't prepared. They aren't equipped.

It's so important as Christians to analyze who is waiting with us in this season. Are we around takers? Are we around foolish women who encourage us to be like them? Or are we spending our time in the company of wise women: women who are equipped and ready to go where we are going or want to go?

The wise women in this story were wise enough to say, "No." They weren't blinded by their relationship with the #FoolishFive. They weren't trying to be nice at the expense of themselves (note they weren't trying to be mean either). Do you have the ability to stand up to the foolish in your life? Do you have the ability to protect your oil (you anointing, your purpose, etc.) from those who want not too much, but just enough to cause you to experience lack? These are questions you need to think about. It's time to start praying about our circle. Some of your friends may have already taken some of your oil, which is the reason why you can't walk into you new season. You aren't ready!!! You now are unprepared!!! You now are lacking!!! Spend some time to evaluate your circle, your square or even your dot. It's time to truly consider, "Who's waiting with me?"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 20

This morning I woke up at 6am to go to the gym. I didn't want to in the moment, but I knew I had carefully laid out my cloths and shoes the night before. I knew I had looked down at my belly and thought, "Zemi you need to go work out." But when the moment came I just did not want to go. Because I took time to reflect on my reasons for wanting to go in the first place, I somehow mustered the energy to get out of bed to go to the gym. Mind you, I didn't do much, but I felt so proud of myself for getting up this morning and remembering my why. (That's a topic for later.)

As soon as I get onto the 18th floor (where the hotel gym was), my spirit became grieved because they were blasting songs I really didn't need in my spirit at 6 am. I tried reading the Bible on my iPad but easily got frustrated with the noise around me. I then decided to listen to a sermon. Avrielle had previously recommended Juanita Bynum's "No Sheets" sermon from 1999 so when I saw it on my YouTube feed I thought, "Hey, why not?!" This sermon really went to my core and has shaped my views on many of the traits that I exhibit. Tomorrow I plan to go back to "Who's Waiting With You?" but for now please give the sermon a listen.

Be blessed.

Love,

Zemi

30 Days of Waiting: Day 19

Who's Waiting With You?

Part I

Before I delve into this, I have a few scriptures I would like you to look at:

• Matthew 25
• Esther 4:16 
• 1 Samuel 23: 15-17

Please write your thoughts in the comments section. 

30 Days of Waiting: Day 18

Who's Waiting on You?

We spend so much time concerned with our individual seasons of waiting and longing that we fail to consider those who may be waiting on us. Professionally, as a business analyst, nothing is more frustrating than being unable to meet deadlines because the completion of my own work depends on someone else successfully completing theirs. So what side are you on? Have you completed all of your assigned tasks or are you loafting on your work to the expense of another?

Someone out there may be in wait for your message, your testimony, your sermon, your song, your website, your blogpost, your text, your call...and the list goes on. What are you waiting for? 

So often we hide behind the excuse that someone else can do it--that someone else will do it. Why can't that person be you?! Do you know that Jesus wants to come back? He wants to fulfill the prophecies written about him long ago. He wants to come back! But he's waiting. He's waiting on one more person to be saved. He's waiting for one more person to surrender: someone who will worship God in spirit and in truth. Is that person you? Are we all here waiting on...you?

Is Jesus waiting on you? Is your mother waiting on you? Is your high school best friend waiting on you? Is your primary school teacher waiting on you? Is your daughter waiting on you? Is your husband waiting on you? Is your father waiting on you?

It's time to stop waiting for them to do it when we are well able to do it too. Don't hold up the process any longer. Take a moment to truly reflect on who's waiting on you.

"I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one."

Ezekiel 22:30 (NIV)

30 Days of Waiting: Day 17

When Waiting is Strategic 

Part II

Once more the Philistines came up and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim: so David inquired of the Lord, and he answered, "Do not go straight up, but circle around behind and attack them in front of the poplar trees. As soon as you heart the sound of marching in the tops of the poplar trees, move quickly, because that will mean the Lord has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army." So David did as the Lord commanded him, and he struck down the Philistines all the way from Gibeon to Gezer. (2 Samuel 5: 22-25 NIV)

Today, I've come to tell you three things: 

1. Do not go straight up.
2. Wait until you hear the Lord.
3. When you hear him, move quickly.

Like I said to you on Day 15, waiting is not only purposeful, but strategic. In the focus text we see that David's enemies had come to fight against him, and, as was customary for David, he sought the Lord to know if and how he would defeat them. In essence, David went to the Lord to strengthen his courage and his bravery. He knew that his very breath was in God's hands. He knew he was loved by God so he trusted God with his life, he trusted God with his men, he trusted God for his protection, he trusted God for his battles. 

This particular text stood out to me because God didn't just say, "David, you will defeat your enemies." No! God said, "Wait. I will go before you to weaken them. I will attack them first. As I go out ahead of you to weaken the army, then you come, but only when you hear the sound of marching to know I am boldly making my way through the trees to fight those who oppose you." Do you need to stop and take a praise break? If not, you need to read that again!

God isn't just seated on his throne looking into the future saying, "Yes that will happen." or "No that will not happen." The Lord literally comes to this Earth to fight our battles, to defeat our adverse circumstances and to win! But him doing so is conditional. On what? On waiting. On being in position. On not going straight up. 

Could you imagine what would have happened if David had not listened? If he had said, "Oh my, it's midnight. I haven't heard the Lord. He must have forgotten me. But look, my men are strong. We shall go up ahead of the Lord and the Lord will catch us up, if indeed he is coming." You want to know what would have happened? Pure bloodshed. David and all of his men would have died in that valley. Why? Because waiting, especially in battle, is strategic.

I don't know if you remember this, but Goliath was a Philistine. He was a giant of a man (literally). He towered over men and was a strong and mighty warrior, but he was not the only one of his kind. "Rephaim" literally means a people of greater than average height or stature (aka giants). And the Philistine army had congregated there...in the Valley of Giants. That is no coincidence dear friends. The Lord, our mighty warrior, bigger and greater than all, marched through the poplar trees to defeat giants. 

And guess what? He is doing the same today. God can march through to enter your valleys.God can march through to defeat your giants (pain, lack, security, brokenness, depression). God can march into the camps of your enemies (adversaries, naysayers, haters, your inner self). And God can strike your enemy down. God can strike your giants down. All he asks is that you wait, don't go straight up, listen out for him and then  move quickly once you hear him.

To learn more about strategic waiting read the book of Ruth and pay particular attention to chapters 3 and 4.

In love and truth,

Zemi

30 Days of Waiting: Day 16

Dear Jesus,

I'm sorry that often I am so concentrated on my own waiting that I forget about yours. I forget that you want to return, that you want to come back to fulfill the prophecies written about you long ago. I know that you wait anxiously for lost sheep to return to their shepherd. I know you eagerly anticipate new sheep coming into your fold. I know you're waiting for Sister X to be saved, brother X to be saved, Mother Y to be saved, Uncle Y to be saved, etc. I know you long to rejoice that all of your sheep, who you have called by name, are safely under your care and out of harms way. I know you long to destroy the devil once and for all. I know you long to rid the world of hurt and pain and even death. Yes, Lord I know. And I am sorry that I forget so often the pain you endure as you watch us repeatedly choose our sin over you. I am so sorry.

Lord I don't know what you will birth out of these 30 days, but I pray I never forget about you. I pray I am always in position to be used by you. I pray I help, in whatever small way I can, to lessen the length of your own waiting season. I pray that I live my life as a walking Bible. I pray Lord that I do not offend young Christians. I pray that my walk is upright -- that I turn neither to the right nor to the left. I pray that I please you Father. I pray that I please you.

Love always,

Zemi Regine

30 Days of Waiting: Day 15

When Waiting is Strategic 

Part I

We have already established that waiting is purposeful. But have you ever considered that waiting can be strategic? 

Read 2 Samuel 5: 22 - 25.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 14

Any time I find myself struggling in my waiting season, I play Janice Gaine's "Wait on You" repeatedly until the feeling passes. This song brings me so much strength and immediately shifts my focus. Hopefully, it will have the same effect on you.

Right now I still find myself content with my present circumstances. I feel I am exactly where I need to be at this present moment. Waiting has essentially become easier, not because I have received the "prize" or see an end in sight, but because I have altered my perspective. 

Perspective shifts can literally change lives, relationships, states of well being, etc. I encourage you to change an area of your lift simply by changing your mind on it. 

Are you desiring for your husband to change? Try to see him in a different light in the meantime and view your service unto him as if you are doing it unto the Lord. Waiting on that promotion at work? View this current season as a time you can network and learn. Get further educated in your field, weigh your options, analyse your strengths and weaknesses and prepare for your next move. 

Preparation is key. Don't miss this season of "getting ready" because you are so focused on what you need to be ready for. Don't spend so much time focusing on the destination that you fail to prepare for the trip. No wise person travels without considering what must be packed (or not packed), reviewing the destination, itinerary, time of travel, etc. Why? Because preparation is key. What if a visa or other travel document is required? What if it's going to be unusually cold and you need warmer clothing? What if you need to avoid potentially unsafe areas? I can't stress this enough: preparation is key.

Let's endeavor to make this trip as smooth as possible. Let's perform the tasks that need to be done. Let's plan. Let's be ready. But don't forget that there is work to be done while where you are. In planning, and crossing off your travel checklist, don't neglect your now. This is a fine balancing act that we must master, but I'm sure that we will.

I'm rooting for you, as I hope you are rooting for me.

Love,

Zemi

30 Days of Waiting; Day 13

Another day of being at peace with the waiting process. It's amazing how having a new perspective can totally change a situation; although, in reality, the situation did not change.

We typically look at being in the waiting room of life as a waste of our precious time. If only we saw the true potential of our waiting season. While waiting you can write, explore new hobbies, travel, brainstorm, plan, network. The possibilities are endless! 

Do not despair in this season. There is truly a time for everything. If it's not the time for X, then it's the time for Y. While waiting for X, Y can be done, and done well.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

30 Days of Waiting: Day 12

Happiness. That's what I feel. Peace. That's also what I feel. It has only been days since my decision to fully surrender to God and I feel so much lighter. 

There are so many things to look forward to in this "meantime season". I have my job to return to, my graduation, living in a new home, returning to my homeland...all happening within the upcoming weeks or months. Why look forward years into the future when there is so much to be excited about right now?

I hope you have accepted peace, dear sisters. I hope you know that peace can be yours in this season.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep  your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:7

P.S. Remember to follow AvrielleB's reflections here.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 11

First of all let me just say this, I am sick and tired of being a passive waiter! Can I say it again? I am sick and tired of being a passive waiter! I am sick and tired of walking in my flesh, my fleshy desires, my fleshy thoughts and my fleshy wants. I am just tired and I want more for myself. 

So then what? 

I am going to walk out the rest of these 30 days (and the rest of my life) with my eyes off of myself and my circumstances and onto the calling God has for my life. 

Here is my battle verse:
"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." 

2 Corinthians 10: 3-5 

Prayer

Lord, I am ready to walk in you and the fullness of who you are. I stand against the enemy who wants to focus my eyes on this earth and its idols. I cast down any vain thoughts that separate me from you. Lord I wish to be bold for you: first against the imaginations that exalt themself above you in my mind and next to the spirits and principalities of this world. Please equip me and position me to do your will that I may walk always by faith and never by sight. Open my spiritial eyes to dicern the way Lord. Reveal to me your truth in your perfect timing. I trust in you, my father, and place my life securly in your hands--a place it should have been all along.

I love you deeply.

-Zemi

30 Days of Waiting: Day 10

30 Days Of Waiting: Day 9

Trust In the Lord

Psalm 37

Fret not thyself because of evildoers, 

Neither be thou envious against workers of iniquity.

For they shall soon be cut down like the grass,

And wither away as the green herb.

Trust in the Lord and do good;

So thou shall dwell in the land,

And verily thou shall be fed. 

Delight thyself also in the Lord;

And he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the Lord,

Trust also in him;

And he shall bring it to pass.

And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light,

And thy judgement s the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him:

Fret not thyself because of him that prosperth in his way,

Because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath:

Fret not thyself in away wise to do evil.

For evildoers shall be cut off:

But those that wait upon the Lord,

They shall inherit the earth.

For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be:

Yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

But the meek shall inherit the earth; 

And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

The wicked plotteth against the just,

And gnasheth upon him with his teeth.

The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

The wicked have drawn out the sword,

And have bent their bow,

To cast down the poor and needy,

And to slay such as be of upright conversation.

Their sword shall enter into their own heart, 

And their bows shall be broken.

A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

For the arms of the wicked shall be broken:

But the Lord upholdeth the righteous.

The Lord knoweth the days of the upright:

And their inheritance shall be for ever.

They shall not be ashamed in the evil time:

And in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

But the wicked shall perish,

And the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs:

They shall consume; into the smoke they consume away.

The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again:

But the righteous shewth mercy, and giveth.

For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; 

And they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord:

And he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down:

For the Lord upholdesth him with his hand.

I have been young, and now am old;

Yet have I never seen the righteous forsaken, 

Nor his seed begging bread.

He is ever merciful, and lendeth;

And his seed is blessed.

Depart from evil, and do good;

And dwell for evermore.

For the Lord loveth judgement, and forsaketh not his saints;

They are preserved for ever:

But the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therin for ever.

The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom,

And his tongue talketh of judgement.

The law of his God is in his heart;

None of his steps shall slide.

The wicket watcheth the righteous,

And seeketh to slay him.

The Lord will not leave him in his hand,

Nor condemn him when he is judged.

Wait on the Lord, and keep his way,

And he shall exalt thee to inherit the land:

When the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

I have seen the wicked in great power,

And spreading himself like a green bay tree.

Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: 

Yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright:

For the end of that man is peace.

But the transgressors shall be destroyed together:

The end of the wicked shall be cut off.

But the salvation of the righteous is the Lord:

he is their strength in time of trouble.

And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them:

He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them,

because they trust in him.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 8

Tonight, we're all waiting. We're waiting to see the outcome of the United States' presidential election. At this current moment, it looks like Trump has won and I feel so dismayed, but even in this God is in control. God appoints and He tears down. I hope in Him no matter how seas may rage. No matter what comes, my hope is in the Lord.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8

P.S. Remember to follow AvrielleB's reflections here.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 7

Are You Rejecting God?

I don't know about about other countries, but the Bahamas has recently observed a surge in marriages. Every time I scroll down my timelines I either see an engagement announcement or wedding pictures. Within my own circle, many of my closest friends are either married, engaged or in long-term relationships. In such an environment, it becomes almost natural to think that your singleness equates to a lack of access to an exclusive, members only club: marriage. I long to pool finances with my spouse, go on trips with my spouse, raise children with my spouse and be led by my spouse. However, premature appointment of an earthly king could mean I am rejecting God as judge and ruler of my life. How so? Let's take a look at 1 Samuel 8. 

Here, the Israelites are displeased with the newly appointed judges set to abide over them in Samuel's old age and request an earthy king. Samuel's spirit is immediately unsettled with this request and so he brings the request to God. God likewise is displeased with the request and deems it unwise, but he instructs Samuel to give the people what they desire only after making them fully aware of the consequences. What were these consequences? Well let's put it this way, they were no easy pill to swallow:

He said, "This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.”[1 Samuel 8:11-18]

And what did the people decide? They insisted on having a king. And why did they want a king so badly? So that they could be like other nations. Heard that? They didn't care about the consequences. They didn't care about the burdens they and their future generations would have to bear. No, they simply wanted a king so that they could be like other nations. They wanted an earthly king to judge them. They wanted an earthly king to go out before them and fight their battles. Little did they know, however, that in requesting such a king they were essentially requesting that a mere man replace God in their lives. 

Throughout the history of the Israelites, God had presided as judge over the people and had appointed men like Moses, Joshua, Eli and Samuel to do the same on his behalf. God had gone before them to fight their battles. God had led them through the wilderness as a cloud by day and fire by night (Exodus 13:21). But what did they want? They wanted a man, a flesh and bone, mortal and flawed man. And why did they want him? So that they could be like everyone else.

Those verses (1 Samuel 8:19-20) wrecked me because, in the Israelites, I saw myself. I saw myself wanting to replace God's current role in my life with a flesh and blood man. I saw myself wanting to replace the omnipotent, omnipresent God with a flesh and blood idol. I saw myself grieving God by running before him to prematurely appoint someone out of season, and for the wrong reasons. 

God saw that Samuel's sons weren't up to task. He saw that they were unlike Samuel. It should have been left to Him to decide what should be done and who should preside over Israel. Likewise, God knows my innermost being. He knows how I must be led and what gifts must be nurtured within me. It should then be left to Him to decide when I should be led and who I should be led by. 

Over and over, the word keeps pointing me back to Christ. The word keeps pointing me away from man and unto God. The word keeps pointing me to my rock, my source, my help...as it should.

Take heed ladies or risk spending more time in the "meantime" than necessary.

Love,

Zemi

Verses of the Day

"Since, then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not only earthy things.

Colossians 3: 1-2

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4: 6-7

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

P.S. Remember to follow AvrielleB's reflections here.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 6

Why is thy heart grieved? 

The Bible provides quite a few examples of individuals in waiting seasons: Sarah, Abraham, David, Hannah, Esther, Joseph and the list goes on. Reading their stories gives one hope that God is a promise-keeper, way-maker and deliver. 

Over the past few days I have been reminded specifically of Hannah, the mother of the great prophet Samuel. She was tormented each and every year by her husband's second wife Peninnah because the Lord had shut Hannah's womb. You see Peninnah had many sons and daughters but she was not who Elkanah (their husband) truly loved and the jealousy she experienced because of this led her to attack Hannah. Though Elkanah loved Hannah immensely and gave her over and above all that she needed, she was still unhappy. Her heart was set on having a child and she could not shake the desire nor the pain she experienced when Peninnah heaped salt upon her open wounds. 

It is so hard not to focus on the object of our desire when it's the one thing others always point out. Hannah was teased so intensely because of her barrenness that she could not eat. It was at this point that her husband said: "Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is they heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?" (1 Samuel 1:8)

His concern for his wife, as evidenced by his attempts to comfort her, stuck with me. But what stood out to me even more was, "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" Isn't it amazing that we can have so many amazing things going for us -- a great husband, awesome job, amazing salary, beautiful home -- yet still be grieved over the ONE thing we do lack. That is exactly where I have spent the past few months. But has that time truly been time well spent?

If we read the rest of 1 Samuel chapter 1 we see that Hannah went to the temple of the Lord and wept before Him. She vowed to Him that if he would just see her, look upon her affliction and bless her with a child, she would offer him back to the Lord. Dear Sisters, are we there? Have we reached that level of desperation? Are we going to the Lord with our afflictions? Are we praying? Are we willing to offer up everything we've been praying for back to God, if given? Would you quit the amazing job you've always wanted if God said so? Would you leave the man you've always wanted if God said he's not the one? Would you walk away from the home and country you love so much to pursue the calling God has for your life? 

To do any of the above requires obedience, swift obedience. This is not a season to delay obedience. This is not a season to harden our hearts to the voice of God. Yes, it may be a season of waiting. Yes, it may be a season of pain, but in your pain is purpose. God wanted to use Samuel. He wanted the desperation that was in Hannah and the provision that Elkanah could provide. He wanted their seed. But he would not have gotten that seed hand-delivered to Him if Hannah had not been so desperate that she would willingly give him up. You see God wants to use you. He wants to use you on your job. He wants to use you in your neighbourhood. He wants to use you in your relationship. In fact, he wants to use your relationship. But he can only do so if you offer up these areas to Him. 

Will you surrender today? Will you surrender your children to Him? Will you surrender you husband to Him? Will you surrender your career to Him? Will you surrender? Please surrender, because when these thirty days are up I don't want to have to ask you, "Why is they heart grieved?"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 5

Who Do You Trust?

All of my anxiety, frustration and anxiousness in waiting points to one thing: I don't truly trust God. It is evident that I have failed to release certain areas of my life to Him: His way, His timing, His will. Avrielle's mom frequently states, "You're not waiting on man, you're waiting on the Lord." If we shift our focus from men to God, it makes the waiting season that much easier. We can trust that our heavenly father will not withhold any good thing from us (see Psalm 84:11). 

When we begin to truly rest and provide tangible evidence of our trust in God, we sleep easier, we breathe easier, we are less frustrated. We move from anxiousness to a state of rest and peace as we place our entire lives in God's hands. That promotion you seek -- it's in God's hands. The baby you wish to form in your belly -- is in God's hands. The marriage you seek -- it's in God's hands. The purpose you wish you walk in -- it's in God's hands. The man or woman you wish to be saved -- is in God's hands. You face, your body's sensitivities, your health --- are all in God's hands. 

Let us therefore humble ourselves and walk in obedience. Let us trust the God who holds the whole world in His hands and rest, just rest.

"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon Him for he cares for you."

1 Peter 5:6

"In His hands are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him."

Psalm 95:4

30 Days Of Waiting: Day 4

When You Make A Mess Of (Patiently) Waiting

I'll be transparent. Today took a turn for the worst. I had the adult equivalent of a temper tantrum and asked for a "break". Yes, a break. In an ideal world (aka Zemi's Idyllic Mind) I would go through life praising the Lord, pursuing my purpose, attaining key goals and then smoothly transition into doing all of the above with my partner, in marriage. And that's not to say I'm only waiting on "the next step" because really I'm not. I'm waiting to finish my degree, I'm waiting on my face to clear up, I'm waiting for deeper spiritual revelations. It's just that this area stretches me unlike any other. I think it's because I spent so many years doing things my way, meaning specifically that I responded to a lot of issues with sex. 

This season literally feels like prison to my flesh because in the absence of sex, my emotions go on a frenzy. Still, it's one thing to identify these issues and another to actively work on them. I know what's going on. I know my flesh is in a panic. I know my emotions need to be brought under control. I know my mouth needs to submit to godly authority. But it can't end in just knowing. That's why this challenge is so important. It's a daily reminder to never be stagnant in your walk. Always push forward. Always cover yourself in prayer. Always ask for the fruit of the spirit. And then what? Wait in active anticipation for all that you envision. 

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

Habakkuk 2: 3

My end goal for this challenge is to be like the woman in 1 Peter 3:4 who had the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight". Please pray for me sisters as I endeavor to get there.

Love always,

Zemi

P.S. Remember to follow AvrielleB's reflections here.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 3

Who Are You Really Waiting For?

The most effective way to calm your heart about waiting is to consider the reason(s) you are waiting. Ponder upon why God has extended this season of your life. Are you being obedient? Have you heeded His instruction? Have you done your part (that is, what God has deemed to be required of you) or are you stagnant? Have you decided to do nothing but throw a pity party? Do you constantly complain about your circumstances to anyone who will listen? 

These are important questions: ones that must be reflected upon and brought before the Lord as you seek clarity on these matters.

Perhaps you're having an Israelite moment and are extending your 11 day journey through "the wilderness" to 40 years because of your rebellious ways and nagging mouth.

So I ask you, are you really waiting on...you?

Today, if only you would hear his voice,

“Do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah,
as you did that day at Massah in the wilderness,
where your ancestors tested me;
they tried me, though they had seen what I did.
For forty years I was angry with that generation;
I said, ‘They are a people whose hearts go astray,
and they have not known my ways.’
So I declared on oath in my anger,
‘They shall never enter my rest.’”

Psalm 95: 8 - 11

"Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt? And with whom was he angry for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies perished in the wilderness? And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief."

Hebrews 3: 16 - 18

Don't extend your season of weariness any longer than it need be. Listen, obey, believe and enter into His rest.

Love always,

Zemi

P.S. Remember to follow AvrielleB's reflections here.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 2

Day 2

When my former relationship ended, I drove through a family-oriented neighbourhood with tears welling in my eyes. Why? I could literally see my timeline for the house, car and family I wanted float years into the future. If I had stayed in that relationship I know I would be married by now (my 26th year), but, for whatever reason, that relationship wasn't God's will for my life. As I drove by basketball rims, toys scattered over lawns, and his and hers cars, I knew in my heart that my next season would require waiting and a lot of it. I knew I wasn't going to have one of those whirlwind romances. You know the ones where the couple date, get engaged and married all in a 12 month span. No. I knew my next relationship would require waiting--years of waiting.

Still, I accept my portion. I am blessed to be with someone who has many of the traits I spent years praying for. I was amazed when he came into my life because I had no idea men like him existed, and especially not in my geographical location. Sometimes I wonder why I have such a nagging in me to rush the gift: to dash straight through this season without ever looking up. But I know the answer. It's my flesh. My flesh wants me to dash into marriage without even knowing what marriage is nor what submission looks like. Today, my mouth is still reckless. Today, I still tend to exhibit rebellion and disrespect. Today, I still want to storm off if I don't get my way. Today, I am not ready. And so, for me, the wait is necessary.

Verse of the Day

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:

       Do not arouse or awaken love

                until it so desires."

          Songs 8:4

Song of the Day

30 Days of Waiting: Day 1

The Introduction

Have you ever anticipated something for so long and with such earnest that it made your heart sad, eyes water and life lose a little bit of its luster? If you refuse to raise your hand that's okay because I have mine raised high. For quite a while now, God has had me in a waiting season. It has been painful. It has stretched me. At times, it has even broken me. But I know I need this. I need these months of not knowing the end date. I need the constant anticipation. I need the season of having my dreams unfulfilled. I need this time to grow, to nurture talents, to mature, to learn and to master a key fruit of the spirit: patience. 

Perhaps you are in a waiting season too. If so, please journey with me over the next 30 days as I respond to my flesh with scripture and songs of praise. 

AvrielleB of www.avrielleb.ca has joined in the on the #30DaysOfWaiting challenge as well.
Please view her blog for the scriptures, songs and reflections that God places on her heart.

If you want to join in, please comment below.

Here's to Day 1 of #30DaysOfWaiting. Sisters, we got this.

We can...wait in inner beauty.

Verse of the Day

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." 

Psalm 43:5

Song of the Day

I know you're getting weary, but please don't give up now. Hope in God and praise Him, in advance.

Love Always,

Zemi