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| My 25th Birthday, May 2015 |
Let me take a moment to love on my boo, Ian. I threaten to leave him almost monthly because I'm still working through my serial dater mentality, my run-when-it-gets-real mentality and an over-indulgence in emotional reactions. This road has by no means been easy. To be completely honest, any time I get frustrated about not having sex I become moody and take it out on Ian. Why? Quite simply, I have yet to get my flesh completely under submission. Marriage isn't all about sex so all of this definitely has to get checked at the door.
I know many Christian couples have experienced pure bliss during courtship, but I have gone through seasons of HATING it. Courting is in one word: work. I know for some it's a joy ride but for me it has meant stretching and pulling and waiting and waiting and submitting and breaking and rebuilding, continuously. Maybe because I got the submission memo late in the game....
Early in our relationship, actually before our relationship, Ian and I had a disagreement. I'm sure the issue was small, but all the same we had a disagreement. I remember being in the shower talking to God and all of a sudden I hear in my spirit that I failed a submission test. Instantly, I went into defense mode, "Submission test?! He's not even my boyfriend! Why would I submit to someone who isn't my husband, let alone not even my boyfriend?!" Throughout the many months of dating, I have been called to submit to Ian and to respect him as the Bible declares wives ought to, but I rebelled. I rebelled HARD and I payed the price.
One day I saw Allyson Rowe's post on IG that was essentially a short sermon on Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." She said that when we are found, we are a wife. Ding. Ding. Ding. A light bulb went off in my head that I am to love, respect and submit NOW because Ian found a wife in me, not a girlfriend, not a playmate, not a coworker, etc.
Still, although I got the message, it was difficult to live out the message I had learned. I began to make subtle changes in the way I spoke to Ian, especially in frustration. Let's just say, I'm a work in progress. I appreciate with all of me his patience throughout this process. He never calls me out of my name, he never slams doors on me or walks away from me (that's the foolishness I do), he has never raised a hand against me and he has never called quits on me. Truly, I think God made him special and I am so happy for the experiences he has accumulated for they have helped him to hone the skills necessary to be with me. He is truly a blessing. Yes, Ian, if you read this...I said that you truly are a blessing. And I promise to do better by being my best.
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| Attending my god brother's wedding, May 2016 |
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