Testimony: Forgiveness Begets Freedom

By now, most of you know my story: I lost my mother at 12 years old, lost my father in a sense for a while as he grieved, moved to the city to live with my uncle, experienced an abusive relationship in college, etc. I love my story and I would not change it. Though painful, each experience has made me resilient, relatable and, quite frankly, me. But I see all too often people who hang on to their stories for attention, for sympathy, for comfort and never release the pain attached to those memories. They never forgive the people who evoked their pain. They become trapped in a bottle of their memories, imprisoned by unforgiveness.

Dad and I at my book signing and sale (July 2016)

I am so happy I am not there, but I can't say I've never been there. I have shared previously on the anger I had towards my father when my mummy died. I had no reason to be angry at him. There was nothing he did or anything he could have done to deserve my anger, but it persisted anyway. Once I realized why I was angry, I still could not forgive him in an instant. It took time, but I was committed to it. I went from not being able to stand the sound of his voice to calling him just to talk. I went from hanging up the phone with a mere, "Bye" to saying, "I love you daddy." It's a process, but I was intentional about forgiving him and treating him as someone who had my forgiveness. I walk that forgiveness out daily. Daily.

Daddy and I in Paris, France (July 2016)

Many men have hurt me. Likewise, I have hurt many men. But I have freed them all. I apologized to men who, for years, I felt owed me an apology. Why? Because unforgiveness was imprisoning me, not them.

The relationship I went through in college, though painful, showed me that I could be strong. It also showed me the power of sharing your experiences. I have forgiven him completely and we are friends today. Why? Because I don't hold the opinion that a man who hits a woman will forever and ever be a monster, as I have heard some say. I don't think a man who hits a woman at one point in his life should forever be coated with the label, "abuser". That is not forgiveness. We realize now the power of our story to transform lives, and he has accepted my intent to share. That took forgiveness for him. He had to forgive me in his heart and come to an understanding that I wasn't sharing to hurt him, but to help others. 

Likewise, Diahann Carroll, a former actress most known for her performance on the popular 80s show Dynasty, learned that forgiveness begets freedom. Well into her 50s, she learned to forgive her parents for abandoning her as a child. I'm sure her story of being abondened at 3/4 years old softened a lot of hearts towards her. I'm sure she was able to use the story to her advantage throughout her career. Yet, just as she did, one must come to a point of realization that the act of harbouring unforgivenss weighs one down. Though you may feel your story is propelling you forward, the weight remains. The weight remains. Imagine how tired you would be if you walked 10 steps with a 40 lb weight. Now image walking a mile with that same weight. Though you are farther, and perhaps closer to where you want to be, you are more tired and pained than before. That's not a life worth living. Free yourself from your prison. Release the pain. Release your story's grip on your life and hold fast to forgiveness.

I'm rooting for you.

Love,

Zemi

Through the Speaker: Bri - "Jacob's Song"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 30

"It is finished! The battle is over! It is finished...there'll be no more war!"

As I came to write this post I immediately began singing the above line from the song "It Is Finished". These 30 days have come to an end. Have any of these days ever felt like a battle? Yes, they have. Have I ever felt like I was warring with my flesh to: (1) learn how to wait, and (2) stay consistent in these posts? Oh yes. But guess what? It is done! 

My circumstances have not changed. I'm still in #TheWait, but my perspective has changed greatly. I feel like I walked in obedience this month. I feel like I brought honor to my Father. I feel accomplished and at peace. I have renewed my mind on waiting, and it feels great. 

I no longer look at waiting as a burden, but as a necessary process: a purposeful, strategic process that I need to be ready for the next season of my life.

I have nicknamed this year #TheYearOfYes. I have said, "Yes" to almost every ask and, most importantly, to myself and to God. I feel like I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do. And that is to walk in purpose.

I pray these 30 days have inspired you in some way or another. Really, I just wanted to encourage others that they weren't alone in their wait. That being impatient doesn't have to be your life story. That the suspense and anxiety surrounding waiting does not have to last forever. Renew your mind, renew your life. Here's to the final 30 days of 2016. 

I love you all!

"Wait in inner beauty."

30 Days of Waiting: Day 29

"This is not a time to get distracted. This is not a time to go off course. Got a work to do for the Lord and you cannot afford to lose your way. You've come too far from where you've started so please don't let the time you've sown be wasted..." #KevinLevar #YourDestiny

30 Days of Waiting: Day 28

My 25th Birthday, May 2015

Let me take a moment to love on my boo, Ian. I threaten to leave him almost monthly because I'm still working through my serial dater mentality, my run-when-it-gets-real mentality and an over-indulgence in emotional reactions. This road has by no means been easy. To be completely honest, any time I get frustrated about not having sex I become moody and take it out on Ian. Why? Quite simply, I have yet to get my flesh completely under submission. Marriage isn't all about sex so all of this definitely has to get checked at the door.

I know many Christian couples have experienced pure bliss during courtship, but I have gone through seasons of HATING it. Courting is in one word: work. I know for some it's a joy ride but for me it has meant stretching and pulling and waiting and waiting and submitting and breaking and rebuilding, continuously. Maybe because I got the submission memo late in the game....

Early in our relationship, actually before our relationship, Ian and I had a disagreement. I'm sure the issue was small, but all the same we had a disagreement. I remember being in the shower talking to God and all of a sudden I hear in my spirit that I failed a submission test. Instantly, I went into defense mode, "Submission test?! He's not even my boyfriend! Why would I submit to someone who isn't my husband, let alone not even my boyfriend?!" Throughout the many months of dating, I have been called to submit to Ian and to respect him as the Bible declares wives ought to, but I rebelled. I rebelled HARD and I payed the price.

One day I saw Allyson Rowe's post on IG that was essentially a short sermon on Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." She said that when we are found, we are a wife. Ding. Ding. Ding. A light bulb went off in my head that I am to love, respect and submit NOW because Ian found a wife in me, not a girlfriend, not a playmate, not a coworker, etc.

Ladies!! The spirit of a WIFE is not found in a ring. It is found in your character!! // Full video on Facebook + YouTube // #ForSuchATimeAsThis

A video posted by A l l y s o n R o w e (@allysonmrowe) on Sep 29, 2016 at 6:16pm PDT

Still, although I got the message, it was difficult to live out the message I had learned. I began to make subtle changes in the way I spoke to Ian, especially in frustration. Let's just say, I'm a work in progress. I appreciate with all of me his patience throughout this process. He never calls me out of my name, he never slams doors on me or walks away from me (that's the foolishness I do), he has never raised a hand against me and he has never called quits on me. Truly, I think God made him special and I am so happy for the experiences he has accumulated for they have helped him to hone the skills necessary to be with me. He is truly a blessing. Yes, Ian, if you read this...I said that you truly are a blessing. And I promise to do better by being my best.

Attending my god brother's wedding, May 2016