Get Your Axe and Cut It Down!

Right now I am battling some heavy issues: seeds that were planted in my past which have developed into a single full grown tree with deeply penetrating, intertwined roots. That is just the figurative way of putting it and already it sounds like work. The reason I ended up in an abusive relationship, with liars, manipulators, etc is because I did not recognize these people were coming to take rest under this growing tree that was within me. I wasn't whole neither was I producing good fruit so the vultures knew just where to sit.

Now that I am walking with God, He wants me to be whole and complete, lacking nothing. He is the one who revealed to me that my problems began far before I lost my virginity. He is the one who showed me what the roots (i.e. root issues) are. Little me can barely pull up weeds sometimes and I'm looking at this monstrous tree thinking, "Lord how do I do this?! I'm too weak. I'm too small. I need your help!" After I was done wallowing in self-pity and pondering on the work I would have to do, I went to God with a spirit ready to work (although still afraid) and said, "Okay Lord how?" He told me that the answer was in His word. 

Sometimes don't you just wanna go, "God are you serious?!" That was me: "Ughhh...okay Lord...in your word? Where in your word? Is that all you've got? Don't you see the size of the tree you're asking me to pull up?  Can't you see my little arms?! Ughhhh!" lol So after a full month of trying to pull this tree up: searching the word, asking for prayers, listening to sermons, digging for blogs, trying to curb habits...I came to a point of realization...this isn't working. It can't be this hard. It's not supposed to be this hard!

This past week I saw my old self rearing her ugly head and I went into panic mode. I really want to be free! I want to be a true reflection of Jesus Christ! Within days I found an email in my inbox on the subject of worrying from Heather Lindsey, randomly received a guide to moving closer to Christ from my mentor, and stumbled upon a link to a video conference dealing with the issues I was facing. (I'm telling you God wants His children healed and He sends a way!) So now we're at today. I am more determined than ever to be delivered. I'm on a day-long fast, I prayed to my heavenly father and my mindset is: Lets Go!

Since August I've been rereading the New Testament and am currently in Luke. As I was on the bus reading I came to Luke 3:9 (emphasis added): "Even now the axe is laid to the ROOT of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is CUT DOWN and thrown into the fire." About five light bulbs went off in my brain all at once. I've been so focused on pulling this tree up that I completely missed there is a better way: cut it down!

All I have to is cut out these behaviors by pulling out my axe - the word of God. When I'm anxious - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6 NIV). When I'm afraid that love will hurt me - "There is no fear in love but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment..." (1 John 4:18 KJV) When things seem to be going wrong - "...all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28 KJV).  When my future seems unsure - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV). When I just can't seem to understand God's plan - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV). I have the axe! And I'm about to cut this bad boy downnnnnn!