Testimony: Set Free!

A little over two years ago I was in an abusive relationship. No one knew. Not my sister, not my twin brother, not my best friends or even my housemates. I did the best I could to tell the world by hiding it in my poetry. Still, people only formulated assumptions and never asked or showed concern. I won't go into details about what happened. When I do fully outline the details it will be among a large group of women united by our stories, yet strangers to each other (that's my vision). If you do want the stylized, yet true, version of the story see my spoken word piece "It's Okay".

Everyone thinks all you have to do is walk away from an abusive relationship to be out of harm's way, but truly that is when the hard work starts. I had flashbacks: flashes of being kicked, flashes of his angry face. I battled with guilt, insecurities, loneliness, anxiety and trust issues. I had random panic attacks and chest pains...months and even a full year afterwards. I massacred relationships with men who cared about me because I just couldn't relax. Today I feel completely healed. I no longer have the anger or the flashbacks. I am no longer resentful. I no longer cringe at the thought of a man touching me. I no longer have more walls than China. I'm free.

As I was watching Kia's video I saw all of the pain in her face and heard so much of it in her voice. My heart broke for her because I know she still battles, as I did. Expression is one of the biggest steps toward full healing. Sharing your message and being a beacon of hope truly helps one to mend. Let us pray for Kia and for all women who didn't know they were worth it...like I didn't know I was worth it. I remember being afraid that he would kill me and ruin his life...instead of being fearful he would end mine. That is how warped the Devil can have our minds and how trapped within ourselves we can be.

Ladies, none of you - no matter how mouthy, impulsive or reactive you are - should be getting punched, slapped or hit. Each of you is worth far more than rubies (and might I add rubies are very, very precious stones up there in value with diamonds). You are beautiful, valuable and loved!

Once I felt the love of God...Oh Wow. Once I felt God's love I knew, I just knew, that I could never allow another man to mistreat me. During the course of these past 5 months alone God has spoiled me, provided for me and surprised me in so many ways. He has truly set a standard of how I should be treated and I shall never again settle for any less.

Today I am proud to say I have no hate towards the person I was with. I have only love towards him and can even smile, genuinely, when I see him because of the amazing way God has worked in me. I mean it's stunning. However frowned upon it is, I can have an actual friendship with this individual (even if it's minimal) because of the love, grace and mercy of God that I have received and want to give back.

My whole life is a testimony of the beauty of giving your life to Christ. I'm whole. I'm protected. I'm happy. I'm freed. Whew!

Taken October 28th, 2013.
All I feel is joy.

Psalm 126:5 (NIV): "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

Psalm 30:5b (NIV): "...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."