Testimony: You Can't Burn What I Got!

Christy Simms, weeks before adorning her cap and gown as a 42 year old holder of a Masters degree in Psychology, was douched in sulfuric acid by her then boyfriend. The reason? She was showing signs of wanting to leave the relationship. With the knowledge that came through her studies, she began to see that she was wedged in the rims of the cycle of abuse. He was controlling, jealous and oh so afraid to lose this beautiful, educated woman who was beginning to see into who he really was. 

As a young woman who also was in an abusive relationship (although of another kind), I gravitated to Christy's story like a moth to a flame. Lately, I have seen the residual impact of my abuse show its face and have felt so helpless. How do I face these issues? What do I do with these triggers? What do I do with the part of me that responds with violence by instinct? 

It becomes so easy to ask, "Why?" God, why me? Why did you allow someone to burn 20% of my body? Lord, why did you allow a man to kick and punch me and slam my head into a mirror? Lord, why did you allow a man to spit in my face and throw my possessions out into the snow? Lord, why did you allow a man to wound me, past physical scars? Well, Christy has a counter-question to all of those whys--"Why not me?" Lord, how can you use my scars? Lord, how can you use my story?

For Christy, her scars and her story are a powerful testimony that enable her to share the glory of God and the existence of His personal assistant, the Comforter sent to man--the Holy Spirit. I have used my story--through performances of "It's Okay"--to encourage young women that even beautiful, strong, intelligent women can get caught up with the very wrong one. No one is above abuse. And no one is any less qualified to live a life of strength after once (or twice or how ever many times) being a victim of abuse.

Christy before the attack which burned over 20% of her body.

Christy Simms' story is one of strength and beauty. This courageous mother of two did not raise up from the ashes so to speak, but she did raise up from a two month coma. She literally, in the course of  about 13 seconds, became a new thing, a new being...totally unrecognizable to herself and even her family. 

Through surgeries she is becoming "restored", but, according to Christy, God's intent through this experience was not to restore her but to renew her. "Renew" literally means to be made new again. The offer to be made new is not only extended to burn victims--it is extended to everyone. To me, who underwent verbal, emotional and physical abuse and to you who may have never experienced abuse at all. Please do not wait until you cannot recognize yourself to accept the newness that a life in Christ brings. Accept newness today.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17

I encourage you to watch these series of interviews that Priscilla Shire had with Christy Simms. I pray you see a different portrayal of domestic abuse victims and the cycle of abuse than you have ever seen before. I pray you see the beauty that I, and all of the ladies in that audience, were able to see within seconds of encountering Ms. Simms.

Part I

Part II

My dear ladies, may we be even more encouraged by what we see, learn, hear and experience to wait in inner beauty for outer beauty fades, outer beauty is stolen, outer beauty can be marred, scared and torched but inner beauty--the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, poise, reverence and joy--can never be stolen. 

In the words of Christy Simms, "You can't burn what I got!" I almost said aloud to my computer screen, "No honey, you can't!"

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Psalm 31:30

Spoken Word: "It's Okay"

"It's Okay"

Written: October 24th, 2012

NOTE: MATURE CONTENT

Abuse - in all it's forms (emotional, verbal, physical, etc) - is more common than you think. Violence in relationships is more common than you could ever imagine. Look at me, read my words, see my strength and know that this (this!) happened to me. 

I am two years out and have healed so, so much. I want to inspire you, your sisters and your friends. I want you to know that no matter what happened to you, you will be okay. 

It’s okay because I have no scars

It’s okay because it doesn't hurt anymore

It’s okay because I no longer cry myself to sleep

It’s okay because the time you kicked me, I got up

It’s okay because the time you spit in my face, I washed my face

It’s okay because even though I have a bump showing that my jaw has not realigned

I can still talk fine and I look fine

It’s okay

It’s alright that you cheated on me

It’s alright that you fxcked another girl four days before

I flew across the Atlantic to say “Hi” to your dick

Yeah it’s alright

It’s alright that you claimed she was just a friend

It’s alright that you stayed up past 3AM texting this one, that one, her and her and her

It's alright that when I saw the BBM message and wanted to fight you

That you fought back

It’s alright that you punched me three times in my arm to form a perfect purple circle

To get me to calm down

It doesn’t matter that you tore off my self esteem

It doesn’t matter that you made me wish I could carve out the part of me that was white

And “Of the Devil”

It doesn’t matter that I would sit and look at my skin reaching the borderline of crazy

Wondering where white started and black ended so I could tear out the part you didn’t like

That part you said made me a bitch

It doesn’t matter

That I had an anxiety attack in public

It doesn’t matter that I cried to my dead mother begging her to take me because I can’t do this

It does not matter that I felt alone

That the whole world was calling but I had no phone

Because you threw it in the snow

It does not matter

That I have tried to hit you and slap you and tear you down with my words

Only to feel a blow I could never have power to give

No it doesn’t matter

When you kicked me as I cried

You kicked me as I cried

You kicked me as I cried

With your strong soccer legs

When you punched me in that same leg and I screammmed

It does not matter

That I sat in a counselor’s chair trying to figure out how to kill this

Angry

Battered

Woman

It doesn’t matter that she couldn’t help me

It doesn’t matter that people thought I was crazy

I do not care

Although I still shed tears because I remember how my heart was broken

I know my spirit never was

Even though I still have flashbacks

I have found a way to trust

Because I learned that God is bigger than you

I was led away from Egypt

Through the Red Sea of my tears and blood

I was delivered

And I have forgiven you

I have learned to never raise my hand

To never threaten

To answer with a gentle tongue and not a slave master’s whip

I have learned that this is life

And I have to get a grip

I have learned that it is not okay, it is not alright, it does matter and that I do care

I have learned that to tear you down will not raise me up

I have learned that within the sheep’s skin can be a wolf

I have learned that I can still love through my abuse

I have learned that I can walk away from yesterday

Because what is yesterday should not dictate what I say Yes to today

I have learned that in my hands I hold strength

 In my heart I hold will

In my mind I can hold peace

 With my feet I can be firm 

And with my legs I can walk away

Today it is okay

Today it is alright

Today it does not matter

Today I do not care that I went through the valley of the shadow of death

Because today I am here

And I have learned

That I am okay

I'm okay

Please know that you too will be okay.

All my love,

Zemi

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