Spoken Word: "It's Okay"

"It's Okay"

Written: October 24th, 2012

NOTE: MATURE CONTENT

Abuse - in all it's forms (emotional, verbal, physical, etc) - is more common than you think. Violence in relationships is more common than you could ever imagine. Look at me, read my words, see my strength and know that this (this!) happened to me. 

I am two years out and have healed so, so much. I want to inspire you, your sisters and your friends. I want you to know that no matter what happened to you, you will be okay. 

It’s okay because I have no scars

It’s okay because it doesn't hurt anymore

It’s okay because I no longer cry myself to sleep

It’s okay because the time you kicked me, I got up

It’s okay because the time you spit in my face, I washed my face

It’s okay because even though I have a bump showing that my jaw has not realigned

I can still talk fine and I look fine

It’s okay

It’s alright that you cheated on me

It’s alright that you fxcked another girl four days before

I flew across the Atlantic to say “Hi” to your dick

Yeah it’s alright

It’s alright that you claimed she was just a friend

It’s alright that you stayed up past 3AM texting this one, that one, her and her and her

It's alright that when I saw the BBM message and wanted to fight you

That you fought back

It’s alright that you punched me three times in my arm to form a perfect purple circle

To get me to calm down

It doesn’t matter that you tore off my self esteem

It doesn’t matter that you made me wish I could carve out the part of me that was white

And “Of the Devil”

It doesn’t matter that I would sit and look at my skin reaching the borderline of crazy

Wondering where white started and black ended so I could tear out the part you didn’t like

That part you said made me a bitch

It doesn’t matter

That I had an anxiety attack in public

It doesn’t matter that I cried to my dead mother begging her to take me because I can’t do this

It does not matter that I felt alone

That the whole world was calling but I had no phone

Because you threw it in the snow

It does not matter

That I have tried to hit you and slap you and tear you down with my words

Only to feel a blow I could never have power to give

No it doesn’t matter

When you kicked me as I cried

You kicked me as I cried

You kicked me as I cried

With your strong soccer legs

When you punched me in that same leg and I screammmed

It does not matter

That I sat in a counselor’s chair trying to figure out how to kill this

Angry

Battered

Woman

It doesn’t matter that she couldn’t help me

It doesn’t matter that people thought I was crazy

I do not care

Although I still shed tears because I remember how my heart was broken

I know my spirit never was

Even though I still have flashbacks

I have found a way to trust

Because I learned that God is bigger than you

I was led away from Egypt

Through the Red Sea of my tears and blood

I was delivered

And I have forgiven you

I have learned to never raise my hand

To never threaten

To answer with a gentle tongue and not a slave master’s whip

I have learned that this is life

And I have to get a grip

I have learned that it is not okay, it is not alright, it does matter and that I do care

I have learned that to tear you down will not raise me up

I have learned that within the sheep’s skin can be a wolf

I have learned that I can still love through my abuse

I have learned that I can walk away from yesterday

Because what is yesterday should not dictate what I say Yes to today

I have learned that in my hands I hold strength

 In my heart I hold will

In my mind I can hold peace

 With my feet I can be firm 

And with my legs I can walk away

Today it is okay

Today it is alright

Today it does not matter

Today I do not care that I went through the valley of the shadow of death

Because today I am here

And I have learned

That I am okay

I'm okay

Please know that you too will be okay.

All my love,

Zemi

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