"Hope Through Motherlessness" #StoriesOfHopeWithDrGia

Testimony: Forgiveness Begets Freedom

By now, most of you know my story: I lost my mother at 12 years old, lost my father in a sense for a while as he grieved, moved to the city to live with my uncle, experienced an abusive relationship in college, etc. I love my story and I would not change it. Though painful, each experience has made me resilient, relatable and, quite frankly, me. But I see all too often people who hang on to their stories for attention, for sympathy, for comfort and never release the pain attached to those memories. They never forgive the people who evoked their pain. They become trapped in a bottle of their memories, imprisoned by unforgiveness.

Dad and I at my book signing and sale (July 2016)

I am so happy I am not there, but I can't say I've never been there. I have shared previously on the anger I had towards my father when my mummy died. I had no reason to be angry at him. There was nothing he did or anything he could have done to deserve my anger, but it persisted anyway. Once I realized why I was angry, I still could not forgive him in an instant. It took time, but I was committed to it. I went from not being able to stand the sound of his voice to calling him just to talk. I went from hanging up the phone with a mere, "Bye" to saying, "I love you daddy." It's a process, but I was intentional about forgiving him and treating him as someone who had my forgiveness. I walk that forgiveness out daily. Daily.

Daddy and I in Paris, France (July 2016)

Many men have hurt me. Likewise, I have hurt many men. But I have freed them all. I apologized to men who, for years, I felt owed me an apology. Why? Because unforgiveness was imprisoning me, not them.

The relationship I went through in college, though painful, showed me that I could be strong. It also showed me the power of sharing your experiences. I have forgiven him completely and we are friends today. Why? Because I don't hold the opinion that a man who hits a woman will forever and ever be a monster, as I have heard some say. I don't think a man who hits a woman at one point in his life should forever be coated with the label, "abuser". That is not forgiveness. We realize now the power of our story to transform lives, and he has accepted my intent to share. That took forgiveness for him. He had to forgive me in his heart and come to an understanding that I wasn't sharing to hurt him, but to help others. 

Likewise, Diahann Carroll, a former actress most known for her performance on the popular 80s show Dynasty, learned that forgiveness begets freedom. Well into her 50s, she learned to forgive her parents for abandoning her as a child. I'm sure her story of being abondened at 3/4 years old softened a lot of hearts towards her. I'm sure she was able to use the story to her advantage throughout her career. Yet, just as she did, one must come to a point of realization that the act of harbouring unforgivenss weighs one down. Though you may feel your story is propelling you forward, the weight remains. The weight remains. Imagine how tired you would be if you walked 10 steps with a 40 lb weight. Now image walking a mile with that same weight. Though you are farther, and perhaps closer to where you want to be, you are more tired and pained than before. That's not a life worth living. Free yourself from your prison. Release the pain. Release your story's grip on your life and hold fast to forgiveness.

I'm rooting for you.

Love,

Zemi

Through the Speaker: Bri - "Jacob's Song"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 30

"It is finished! The battle is over! It is finished...there'll be no more war!"

As I came to write this post I immediately began singing the above line from the song "It Is Finished". These 30 days have come to an end. Have any of these days ever felt like a battle? Yes, they have. Have I ever felt like I was warring with my flesh to: (1) learn how to wait, and (2) stay consistent in these posts? Oh yes. But guess what? It is done! 

My circumstances have not changed. I'm still in #TheWait, but my perspective has changed greatly. I feel like I walked in obedience this month. I feel like I brought honor to my Father. I feel accomplished and at peace. I have renewed my mind on waiting, and it feels great. 

I no longer look at waiting as a burden, but as a necessary process: a purposeful, strategic process that I need to be ready for the next season of my life.

I have nicknamed this year #TheYearOfYes. I have said, "Yes" to almost every ask and, most importantly, to myself and to God. I feel like I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do. And that is to walk in purpose.

I pray these 30 days have inspired you in some way or another. Really, I just wanted to encourage others that they weren't alone in their wait. That being impatient doesn't have to be your life story. That the suspense and anxiety surrounding waiting does not have to last forever. Renew your mind, renew your life. Here's to the final 30 days of 2016. 

I love you all!

"Wait in inner beauty."

30 Days of Waiting: Day 29

"This is not a time to get distracted. This is not a time to go off course. Got a work to do for the Lord and you cannot afford to lose your way. You've come too far from where you've started so please don't let the time you've sown be wasted..." #KevinLevar #YourDestiny

30 Days of Waiting: Day 28

My 25th Birthday, May 2015

Let me take a moment to love on my boo, Ian. I threaten to leave him almost monthly because I'm still working through my serial dater mentality, my run-when-it-gets-real mentality and an over-indulgence in emotional reactions. This road has by no means been easy. To be completely honest, any time I get frustrated about not having sex I become moody and take it out on Ian. Why? Quite simply, I have yet to get my flesh completely under submission. Marriage isn't all about sex so all of this definitely has to get checked at the door.

I know many Christian couples have experienced pure bliss during courtship, but I have gone through seasons of HATING it. Courting is in one word: work. I know for some it's a joy ride but for me it has meant stretching and pulling and waiting and waiting and submitting and breaking and rebuilding, continuously. Maybe because I got the submission memo late in the game....

Early in our relationship, actually before our relationship, Ian and I had a disagreement. I'm sure the issue was small, but all the same we had a disagreement. I remember being in the shower talking to God and all of a sudden I hear in my spirit that I failed a submission test. Instantly, I went into defense mode, "Submission test?! He's not even my boyfriend! Why would I submit to someone who isn't my husband, let alone not even my boyfriend?!" Throughout the many months of dating, I have been called to submit to Ian and to respect him as the Bible declares wives ought to, but I rebelled. I rebelled HARD and I payed the price.

One day I saw Allyson Rowe's post on IG that was essentially a short sermon on Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." She said that when we are found, we are a wife. Ding. Ding. Ding. A light bulb went off in my head that I am to love, respect and submit NOW because Ian found a wife in me, not a girlfriend, not a playmate, not a coworker, etc.

Ladies!! The spirit of a WIFE is not found in a ring. It is found in your character!! // Full video on Facebook + YouTube // #ForSuchATimeAsThis

A video posted by A l l y s o n R o w e (@allysonmrowe) on Sep 29, 2016 at 6:16pm PDT

Still, although I got the message, it was difficult to live out the message I had learned. I began to make subtle changes in the way I spoke to Ian, especially in frustration. Let's just say, I'm a work in progress. I appreciate with all of me his patience throughout this process. He never calls me out of my name, he never slams doors on me or walks away from me (that's the foolishness I do), he has never raised a hand against me and he has never called quits on me. Truly, I think God made him special and I am so happy for the experiences he has accumulated for they have helped him to hone the skills necessary to be with me. He is truly a blessing. Yes, Ian, if you read this...I said that you truly are a blessing. And I promise to do better by being my best.

Attending my god brother's wedding, May 2016

30 Days of Waiting: Day 27

30 Days of Waiting: Day 26

30 Days of Waiting: Day 25

As you can see, I am very late with this (and subsequent) posts. Friday, November 25th made 14 years since my mother died so I decided to go visit a family friend for the weekend and never got around to posting. I did my first Facebook live video on Saturday and spoke about the things I've learned since being motherless.

Although it's not waiting related, I'll post the video here:

30 Days of Waiting: Day 24

Who's Waiting With You?

Part IV

And David saw that Saul was come out to seek his life: and Davis was in the wilderness of Ziph in a wood. And Jonathan, Saul's son, arose, and went to David in the wood, and strengthened hs hand in God. And he said unto him, "Fear not: for the hand of Saul my father shall not find thee; and thou shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next unto thee' and that also Saul my father knoweth. [1 Samuel 23: 15-17]

Questions:
1. Who's waiting with you? Who's waiting on the day you are "safe", the day the promises God made you are fulfilled? Who's waiting to be your second in command? Who's waiting to assist you? 
2. Who is willing to risk their life to go through the "woods" to strengthen you?
3. Would any of your friends step into your camp (your situation) to strengthen you/pray for you?

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16: 33(b) NIV

30 Days of Waiting: Day 23

Today, I just want to encourage you to take some time out to pray. The same amount of time you dedicate to reading my daily posts could be spent with God. SO right now, in this moment. Please pray. With a thankful heart, enter His gates with thanksgiving and praise.

He's waiting on you.

Love,

Zemi

30 Days of Waiting: Day 22

Who's Waiting With You?

Part III

Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day" I also and my maidens will fast likewise, and so will I do in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish. [Esther 4:16]

At this point in history, Esther had a lot on her plate. She had been asked by her uncle to approach the king, her husband, on behalf of her people that their lives may be spared from a genocide that was planned to take place. She was afraid and needed support more than ever. 

I don't know if you've ever tried to fast on your own but it sure is no easy task. Oftentimes I begin with intentions to fast until a certain hour only to forget all about it. But accountability, oh how it changes things! Esther called not only the people of Shushan outside of the palace walls to fast, she always challenged her maidens to fast with her. I'm sure they saw her tears and weak moments. I'm sure they heard her prayers. But more than that, they fasted with her. They were weak with her. They cried with her. They prayed with her. They waited with her! In those moments I'm sure her maidens brought her strength, they brought her accountability, they helped her to focus on the task at hand. 

Yes, these are a whole lot of assumptions, but I know for a fact that Esther would not have been able to complete three days of fasting from both food and drink without a solid support system. You may be approaching a daunting task, you may need to hide yourself away with those you trust in order to fast and pray. You may need the support of accountability partners and prayer partners as you wait and consecrate. So again, it matters and must be asked, "Who's waiting with you?"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 21

Who's Waiting With You?

Part II

Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, "Behold, the bridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, "Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out." But the wise answered, saying, "No so'lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, "Lord, Lord, open to us." But he answered and said, "Verily I say unto you, I know you not." [Matthew 25: 1-12]

This text is about being prepared for the hour Jesus returns; however, I want to focus particularly on the (wise) women who were waiting and who they were waiting with. If it's not clear, they were waiting with five foolish virgins. Why were they foolish? Because these five women did not think to bring extra oil for their lamps knowing they may possible have to wait for an extended period until the bridegroom comes. And why were the other five virgins wise? Because they were prepared: they brought enough oil to keep their lamps burning.

Waiting is a part of life. I think we have already established that fact. We have also established that there are many facets of, and purposes, for waiting. Waiting can essentially be a shifting process like it was for this groom who avoided marrying five foolish young women.

There are so many nuggets to walk away with from this text, but I want to hone in on the company we keep. Undoubtedly having other women to wait with made the waiting period more bearable, which is an experience both I and many of you can relate to. The other day I was in the subway for 40 minutes with a friend of mine. I had made the journey to our destination alone and we came back together. The return journey felt so much shorter and was so much more enjoyable than the ride I took alone. Why? Because of (good) company. Still, having company can be frustrating when your friends just want to take from you, pull you down or distract you from your purpose.

The five foolish virgins (#FoolishFive) were so willing to take from the little that the #WiseFive had in order to cover themselves. Be aware of takers on this journey: those who survey what you have and look for avenues to take or copy. Those people aren't going where you are going. They aren't prepared. They aren't equipped.

It's so important as Christians to analyze who is waiting with us in this season. Are we around takers? Are we around foolish women who encourage us to be like them? Or are we spending our time in the company of wise women: women who are equipped and ready to go where we are going or want to go?

The wise women in this story were wise enough to say, "No." They weren't blinded by their relationship with the #FoolishFive. They weren't trying to be nice at the expense of themselves (note they weren't trying to be mean either). Do you have the ability to stand up to the foolish in your life? Do you have the ability to protect your oil (you anointing, your purpose, etc.) from those who want not too much, but just enough to cause you to experience lack? These are questions you need to think about. It's time to start praying about our circle. Some of your friends may have already taken some of your oil, which is the reason why you can't walk into you new season. You aren't ready!!! You now are unprepared!!! You now are lacking!!! Spend some time to evaluate your circle, your square or even your dot. It's time to truly consider, "Who's waiting with me?"

30 Days of Waiting: Day 20

This morning I woke up at 6am to go to the gym. I didn't want to in the moment, but I knew I had carefully laid out my cloths and shoes the night before. I knew I had looked down at my belly and thought, "Zemi you need to go work out." But when the moment came I just did not want to go. Because I took time to reflect on my reasons for wanting to go in the first place, I somehow mustered the energy to get out of bed to go to the gym. Mind you, I didn't do much, but I felt so proud of myself for getting up this morning and remembering my why. (That's a topic for later.)

As soon as I get onto the 18th floor (where the hotel gym was), my spirit became grieved because they were blasting songs I really didn't need in my spirit at 6 am. I tried reading the Bible on my iPad but easily got frustrated with the noise around me. I then decided to listen to a sermon. Avrielle had previously recommended Juanita Bynum's "No Sheets" sermon from 1999 so when I saw it on my YouTube feed I thought, "Hey, why not?!" This sermon really went to my core and has shaped my views on many of the traits that I exhibit. Tomorrow I plan to go back to "Who's Waiting With You?" but for now please give the sermon a listen.

Be blessed.

Love,

Zemi

30 Days of Waiting: Day 19

Who's Waiting With You?

Part I

Before I delve into this, I have a few scriptures I would like you to look at:

• Matthew 25
• Esther 4:16 
• 1 Samuel 23: 15-17

Please write your thoughts in the comments section. 

30 Days of Waiting: Day 18

Who's Waiting on You?

We spend so much time concerned with our individual seasons of waiting and longing that we fail to consider those who may be waiting on us. Professionally, as a business analyst, nothing is more frustrating than being unable to meet deadlines because the completion of my own work depends on someone else successfully completing theirs. So what side are you on? Have you completed all of your assigned tasks or are you loafting on your work to the expense of another?

Someone out there may be in wait for your message, your testimony, your sermon, your song, your website, your blogpost, your text, your call...and the list goes on. What are you waiting for? 

So often we hide behind the excuse that someone else can do it--that someone else will do it. Why can't that person be you?! Do you know that Jesus wants to come back? He wants to fulfill the prophecies written about him long ago. He wants to come back! But he's waiting. He's waiting on one more person to be saved. He's waiting for one more person to surrender: someone who will worship God in spirit and in truth. Is that person you? Are we all here waiting on...you?

Is Jesus waiting on you? Is your mother waiting on you? Is your high school best friend waiting on you? Is your primary school teacher waiting on you? Is your daughter waiting on you? Is your husband waiting on you? Is your father waiting on you?

It's time to stop waiting for them to do it when we are well able to do it too. Don't hold up the process any longer. Take a moment to truly reflect on who's waiting on you.

"I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one."

Ezekiel 22:30 (NIV)

30 Days of Waiting: Day 17

When Waiting is Strategic 

Part II

Once more the Philistines came up and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim: so David inquired of the Lord, and he answered, "Do not go straight up, but circle around behind and attack them in front of the poplar trees. As soon as you heart the sound of marching in the tops of the poplar trees, move quickly, because that will mean the Lord has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army." So David did as the Lord commanded him, and he struck down the Philistines all the way from Gibeon to Gezer. (2 Samuel 5: 22-25 NIV)

Today, I've come to tell you three things: 

1. Do not go straight up.
2. Wait until you hear the Lord.
3. When you hear him, move quickly.

Like I said to you on Day 15, waiting is not only purposeful, but strategic. In the focus text we see that David's enemies had come to fight against him, and, as was customary for David, he sought the Lord to know if and how he would defeat them. In essence, David went to the Lord to strengthen his courage and his bravery. He knew that his very breath was in God's hands. He knew he was loved by God so he trusted God with his life, he trusted God with his men, he trusted God for his protection, he trusted God for his battles. 

This particular text stood out to me because God didn't just say, "David, you will defeat your enemies." No! God said, "Wait. I will go before you to weaken them. I will attack them first. As I go out ahead of you to weaken the army, then you come, but only when you hear the sound of marching to know I am boldly making my way through the trees to fight those who oppose you." Do you need to stop and take a praise break? If not, you need to read that again!

God isn't just seated on his throne looking into the future saying, "Yes that will happen." or "No that will not happen." The Lord literally comes to this Earth to fight our battles, to defeat our adverse circumstances and to win! But him doing so is conditional. On what? On waiting. On being in position. On not going straight up. 

Could you imagine what would have happened if David had not listened? If he had said, "Oh my, it's midnight. I haven't heard the Lord. He must have forgotten me. But look, my men are strong. We shall go up ahead of the Lord and the Lord will catch us up, if indeed he is coming." You want to know what would have happened? Pure bloodshed. David and all of his men would have died in that valley. Why? Because waiting, especially in battle, is strategic.

I don't know if you remember this, but Goliath was a Philistine. He was a giant of a man (literally). He towered over men and was a strong and mighty warrior, but he was not the only one of his kind. "Rephaim" literally means a people of greater than average height or stature (aka giants). And the Philistine army had congregated there...in the Valley of Giants. That is no coincidence dear friends. The Lord, our mighty warrior, bigger and greater than all, marched through the poplar trees to defeat giants. 

And guess what? He is doing the same today. God can march through to enter your valleys.God can march through to defeat your giants (pain, lack, security, brokenness, depression). God can march into the camps of your enemies (adversaries, naysayers, haters, your inner self). And God can strike your enemy down. God can strike your giants down. All he asks is that you wait, don't go straight up, listen out for him and then  move quickly once you hear him.

To learn more about strategic waiting read the book of Ruth and pay particular attention to chapters 3 and 4.

In love and truth,

Zemi

30 Days of Waiting: Day 16

Dear Jesus,

I'm sorry that often I am so concentrated on my own waiting that I forget about yours. I forget that you want to return, that you want to come back to fulfill the prophecies written about you long ago. I know that you wait anxiously for lost sheep to return to their shepherd. I know you eagerly anticipate new sheep coming into your fold. I know you're waiting for Sister X to be saved, brother X to be saved, Mother Y to be saved, Uncle Y to be saved, etc. I know you long to rejoice that all of your sheep, who you have called by name, are safely under your care and out of harms way. I know you long to destroy the devil once and for all. I know you long to rid the world of hurt and pain and even death. Yes, Lord I know. And I am sorry that I forget so often the pain you endure as you watch us repeatedly choose our sin over you. I am so sorry.

Lord I don't know what you will birth out of these 30 days, but I pray I never forget about you. I pray I am always in position to be used by you. I pray I help, in whatever small way I can, to lessen the length of your own waiting season. I pray that I live my life as a walking Bible. I pray Lord that I do not offend young Christians. I pray that my walk is upright -- that I turn neither to the right nor to the left. I pray that I please you Father. I pray that I please you.

Love always,

Zemi Regine

30 Days of Waiting: Day 15

When Waiting is Strategic 

Part I

We have already established that waiting is purposeful. But have you ever considered that waiting can be strategic? 

Read 2 Samuel 5: 22 - 25.

30 Days of Waiting: Day 14

Any time I find myself struggling in my waiting season, I play Janice Gaine's "Wait on You" repeatedly until the feeling passes. This song brings me so much strength and immediately shifts my focus. Hopefully, it will have the same effect on you.

Right now I still find myself content with my present circumstances. I feel I am exactly where I need to be at this present moment. Waiting has essentially become easier, not because I have received the "prize" or see an end in sight, but because I have altered my perspective. 

Perspective shifts can literally change lives, relationships, states of well being, etc. I encourage you to change an area of your lift simply by changing your mind on it. 

Are you desiring for your husband to change? Try to see him in a different light in the meantime and view your service unto him as if you are doing it unto the Lord. Waiting on that promotion at work? View this current season as a time you can network and learn. Get further educated in your field, weigh your options, analyse your strengths and weaknesses and prepare for your next move. 

Preparation is key. Don't miss this season of "getting ready" because you are so focused on what you need to be ready for. Don't spend so much time focusing on the destination that you fail to prepare for the trip. No wise person travels without considering what must be packed (or not packed), reviewing the destination, itinerary, time of travel, etc. Why? Because preparation is key. What if a visa or other travel document is required? What if it's going to be unusually cold and you need warmer clothing? What if you need to avoid potentially unsafe areas? I can't stress this enough: preparation is key.

Let's endeavor to make this trip as smooth as possible. Let's perform the tasks that need to be done. Let's plan. Let's be ready. But don't forget that there is work to be done while where you are. In planning, and crossing off your travel checklist, don't neglect your now. This is a fine balancing act that we must master, but I'm sure that we will.

I'm rooting for you, as I hope you are rooting for me.

Love,

Zemi